tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27916701362721517742024-03-07T21:50:10.184-08:00Matt's Round Tabledefoco2000http://www.blogger.com/profile/04946994945024136198noreply@blogger.comBlogger27125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2791670136272151774.post-63019518870763115832014-12-17T14:59:00.003-08:002014-12-17T15:39:16.371-08:00Dancing in the never-Bruce Springsteen <div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
I am truly convinced the Lord doesn’t
want me to EVER Dance to the song <i>Dancing
in the Dark </i>by Bruce Springsteen. It
was my favorite song as a kid, and still to this day. If you see me driving to
this song, most would assume I was having a seizure. I was in Nick Backs wedding at a very early
age. I requested the song and the D.J. looked at me like I was a lost geriatric.
Yes this song was popular before I was even a sperm, but just play it!!! The
D.J. took my tip and never played the song. Not even towards the end of the wedding,
when the inebriated cant stand. The next weeding I requested this song the D.J.
took my money and yet again didn’t play my jam. All I have ever wanted to do is
dance to <i>Dancing in the Dark. </i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<i></i> Later that year I had gotten word that Park
University was having a singing contest called park idol. Surely, they would
have this famous 1980s song, and I would be able to perform it in front of all
my friends. So I found the tightest pair
of jeans I could find at a thrift store. A hipster probably died in some drug induced
death, to the vary pants I was wearing. Those
pants were so tight. I probably lost about 100 million seamen that night just to
play the role. It was all for the boss. I then found a white collared shirt and
cut the sleeves off. For about four
dollars and about 50,000 dollars lost I could have sold to a sperm bank, I
indeed looked like Bruce Springsteen. As I got to park idol I found the people
who were signing up the songs. As I realized I probably couldn't sit down in
these jeans I wanted to sing <i>Dancing in
the dark </i>early because I had to brutally sing some Beach Boys shortly
after. It turns out they didn't have <i>DANCING
IN THE DARK!!!!!! </i>They only had <i>BORN IN THE U.S.A.</i> I was doomed because
I didn't know that song what so ever. I figured dressed as Bruce Springsteen, I
had to do it. I got up there and sang a
song about being born in a country to an audience that was not. I would say 75% of the audience was
from the Pacific Rim and I looked like an idiot. I would have been the hero if
they would have my jam. The matriarchal trio of judges didn't hide their body
language of disgust. I’m assuming they weren't Springsteen fans and probably didn't
care for anything involving New Jersey. They looked at me like they were conceived
to a Springsteen song and projected their hatred of anything related to dudes, upon
my dead hipster jeans. So needless to
say I didn't win Park Idol because those judges that day were not proud of
their country origin. It seems they hated their fathers or something. They were completely stoic when I walked off stage.
Not a smirk, a chuckle nothing. Do me the honor and hit me with glass bottle
ladies PLEASE!!. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
The next attempt in my life, where I knew the opportunity of
dancing to Springsteen, without lowering my sperm count would be at Bret Mchpeeter’s
wedding. He liked classic rock music and I knew they would play it there. I
went early to the d.j. and gave him a five dollar bill this time. I knew he
would play that song for me. The night totally came to an end and my arc nemesis
Trevor and his goons started picking up all the tables. The wedding was over
and that stupid d.j. pocketed my five bucks. Probably to take to a strip club
or something to get his jiblets off. He
probably went on a received a lap dance to Springsteen just out of spite. The
next two weddings I had, the same situation occur. D.J’s pocketed my hard
earned money to go through the dollar menu while I didn't get to dance. I had
to watch country bumpkins line dance to some Randy Travis inbreeding bull
shit!! I want to know what issues these d.j. companies have against me and the
boss. It is because I don’t like to Nelly and the St Louis Cardinals?I have heard
<i>COUNTRY GRAMMAR </i>at way to many
weddings. YOU CANT START A FIRE WITHOUT A SPARK DAMMIT!!
Springsteen said it best. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Finally the
lord presented me with a girl that liked me more then two weeks and we were
planning a wedding. I was having a friend d.j. the wedding and it was the tenth
song that was going to play. I knew that I was going to finally get to dance to
Springsteen at my own wedding. Nothing
was going to stop me now except maybe being struck by lightning!!! Potentially
the chance Amanda not showing up at the altar, but I was going to get my
Springsteen on in front of all my friends and family. The sun had made for a wonderful sunset on
the night of my wedding. The photographers asked us to come outside so that we
can get some sunset photos. It looked gorgeous outside and it made for some
fine photos. Next Amanda's old boss was
leaving the wedding and he had a Michael Jordan story. I've learned in my life
to drop everything if someone has a Jordan story. If he would have said I got a
LeBron story, I would have walked inside. No one likes a LeBron story. He
grabbed the duchess!!! Anyway this guy got to watch Jordan play a pick-up game.
It was one of the greatest NBA stories I have ever heard. At that same moment I
heard Springsteen playing in the background. Michael Jordan just nut tapped the
Boss. I missed dancing to that song at my own wedding. I have established that I will never dance to
BRUCE SPRINGSTEENS DANCING IN THE DARK. I’m sure like sixty years from now
someone will read this blog post and play that song at my funeral. He can’t
dance now because he is dead. I will just drive to it on 169 south and let the
people think I have rabies, when I dance in that car. I can see a mother saying
to their son as they pass me on the highway, “ LOOK AWAY, THAT MUST BE ONE OF
THEM QUANTILES STUDIES GONE WRONG” My trigger song could be DANCING IN THE DARK
BY THE BOSS!!!<o:p></o:p></div>
defoco2000http://www.blogger.com/profile/04946994945024136198noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2791670136272151774.post-60288507337344688292014-12-05T09:36:00.000-08:002014-12-05T10:50:26.265-08:00Hot Dogs Vs. the Midlife<br />
<br />
<br />
You can buy a hot dog stand for 399.00 $ I have found what I am going to do when I retire. I can run a hot dog stand with my vegetarian wife. We will be on T.L.C. in no time. I will throw phallic foods at St Louis cardinals fans for my entire adult life. I will just stay posted up outside of Wrigley Field ,heckling the masses Amanda can run a tofu hut or something and we will defiantly get on T.V. Amanda has specified wanting six children. For the 3300 views I have on my bar graph, I have recently gotten married to an amazing woman if you didn't know. I will no longer have to sell my body to science since I have found my one and only. KU med can keep their 20,000 for a testicle ,because I will need it for these six children. All the children can get hot dog stands or tofu huts and we can be outside ever sport event between Kansas City and Chicago. Also Lawrence for Amanda's beloved Jay hawks. In late adult life I have contemplated a thrift store. I will have to sell all my bobble heads at some point if they are ever allowed in a house. Most men who have midlife crisis grow ponytails and wear ass less chaps. America doesn't need my 50 year old sell farting up and down Americas highways with nasty neck pubes floating through the air. The birds even reject my hair for nests, why would I grown out a pony tail? I think hot dog stand or thrift store or a combination of the two is a safe choice for a midlife crisis? Unless a bunch of vegetarians get upset by the fact that most of the clothes we have to sell smell like Vienna beef. In all likelihood, my future business endeavors are hopefully trumped by me teaching life span development until I am in my eighties.I can always give away all my credit cards to every pyramid scheme in the land if everything else falls apart. I can always get mummified in It works wraps or have Amway run my funeral. I want my body burned at Maple Woods with the hot dog stand, surrounded by Ewoks.Joakim Noah can be the M.C. I am very excited about my life ahead with Amanda and my career with higher education.Get my Masters in Educational Psychology and going back to get my Masters in Counseling will lead me down the roads ahead. I'm contemplating getting my Masters in Higher Education Administration as well. I'm very exited for this era of life. The hot dog stand is down the road.<br />
<br />
<br />
http://www.usaequipmentdirect.com/product/1463/Bench-Mark-USA-60072-Mini-Hot-Dog-Steamer-Cart.html?CAWELAID=400004980000000018&catargetid=400004980000216870&cadevice=c&gclid=CI3ulbGlr8ICFeURMwod8FwA4wdefoco2000http://www.blogger.com/profile/04946994945024136198noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2791670136272151774.post-18428947375953263542014-10-23T06:46:00.000-07:002014-10-23T06:46:20.908-07:00My wife vsT-MobileMy wife yelled into the phone like the coach of the Chicago Bulls.It was incredible. She tossed her challenge flag on our way to Ikea and defended my honor. I called T-Mobile and was driving, so she did some of the talking as well. While complaining about how much my phone sucks, we lost service with T-mobile support.When the service returned,We questioned the validity of the service. IS there anything I can help you today? "Yeah you didn't here us for thirty seconds,that's what she were talking about. Than the T-Mobile lady told us we should try Craigslist and was telling us how to build our own phone. Than Amanda stepped in and said," THIS IS BULLSHIT(It was amazing) WE DONT KNOW HOW TO BUILD A PHONE. WE JUST WANT A PHONE THAT WORKS. WE SHOULDN'T HAVE TO ORDER PARTS OF CRAIGSLIST AND BUILD OUR OWN PHONE" The T-mobile lady realized she wasn't dealing with a tired sweaty Italian man, who was driving on the Broadway bridge anymore. She had awakening a Six foot tall post R.A. who has had to deal with short drunken rich guys from St Louis for the last three years. The T-Mobile lady was intimidated and didn't talk about craigslist after that. We even said" T-mobile has not contracts (Via Charles Barkley) but we cant get out of a contract that we don't have?"The lady was speechless and said there is nothing I can do for you" They decided to send us a fourth phone that is not even able to download my bank app. This isn't some Philosophy class. Is the contract there if you leave the room??? So needless to say you cant get out of contract that isn't even there. My Amazing Spartan wife scared a bunch of people with tiny headsets and there Bull Shit "Wheres Waldo?" contract system. Ill be switching service once this ghost contract that was signed by no one because it isn't real is lifted.defoco2000http://www.blogger.com/profile/04946994945024136198noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2791670136272151774.post-91589965393742839822014-01-06T09:01:00.001-08:002014-01-06T09:01:43.309-08:00Still Can't Order...
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Very excited for this year.
Recently asked a women to marry me and she responded by “Are you shitting me”?
Well not really. This will be such a busy, but exciting year of life. I got a
car I actually like for the journey ahead.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>If a Subaru had sex with a Mini Cooper you would get a Nissan Juke.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>From space it looks like a football with
fins. I am entering my second year of graduate school for something I want to
do. I hope I never have to work at a desk because I have 43 bobble heads and
they would have nowhere to bobble.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>During
an interview I would bring them with them with me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The interviewee would be so confused because
my business associates would agree with everything I said. I got fired from the
Y because the main lady never put me on her payroll apparently for like a
year.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Keeping me on for 17-24 Dollars a
month was such a pain in the Ass I guess.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Man I put those tables up quickly. I worked kid’s night out for three
years one day a month.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The Jig was
up.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">My main goal for this year is to finally
order right at restaurants.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>To this day
my greatest flaw is ordering in restaurants.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Just the other day I ordered a Margareti pizza. WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT??
I am the worst orderer of all time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I once ordered a “Got to Love to Have it” at
Cold Stone. Again WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT??<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>
It sounds like some kind of sexual favor. I’m not a gross person, I just can’t
order.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I could see myself ordered
somewhere asking, “I will take a got to love to have it”? I could be hung in
the village square for that.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I once
asked at Starbucks for an Asango pretzel??? Me, Aqua Man, and the women who
worked there were baffled by my stupidity.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Asiago was cheese I was searching for.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>The very cow in which it came from should have kicked me in the nuts for
being so dumb. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My goal this year is to
learn to order like an adult.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>No more of
this snap chat socially awkward bullshit.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Im tired of waiters and waitresses looking at me like I am some nocturnal
dirt farmer who was raised by Wild Boars.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I promise you servers of this world, I will learn to order.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
defoco2000http://www.blogger.com/profile/04946994945024136198noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2791670136272151774.post-42943610504848063172013-10-17T14:00:00.001-07:002013-10-17T14:00:14.390-07:00Deal with my Small Intestine.Last night I couldn't sleep. I was wondering what was keeping me up? Oh yeah I ate 10 Pumpkin Doughnuts in three days. It felt like a small bird was living in my stomach. My small intestine was making Woody Wood Pecker type noises. Finally at 12:07 am I was able to goto the bathroom after 37 hours. I actually shit out an entire pumpkin. The stalk was the worst part. On a serious nature though, I felt so much relief. My organs were clapping because that demon pumpkin dough feel was now gone. After I took a pooh it felt like when Simba was born. Elephants were playing trumpets and handing me rolls of toilet paper. I made a nonverbal internal deal with my small intestine yesterday to never eat a dozen doughnuts again!!!!If I hadn't gotten rid of those last two, I wouldn't be writing this. You have won this battle oh great pumpkin. Charlie Brown never had shit problems like these...defoco2000http://www.blogger.com/profile/04946994945024136198noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2791670136272151774.post-40303884986789553662013-10-16T16:23:00.002-07:002013-10-16T16:23:55.957-07:00LETS GO DODGERS!!I really don't give a crap about baseball. It just so happens that I fell out of my mother on the North side of Chicago so I was born into Cubs land. In my youth I liked Mark Grace and several others Cubs during life, when I was concerned about building small mouse huts for mice to stay in the winter. Upon my journey to Kansas City I brought my Mark Grace jersey with me. I had milkable teenage man breast that expanded the jersey throughout youth. I was able to wear it all the way to my Junior year. While trying to just wear a shirt that brought out my eyes a bunch of Asshole St Louis Cardinal fans always made fun of me. Okay clearly your team is better. I really don't care. My home city of Chicago is and will always be better than St. Louis. My final straw came with the St Louis Cardinals in the Fall of 2009. (This was the worst year of my exhistance and Joel and Adam Roth can back that up). There was a girl at Dillards who use to come to my department and hit on my all the time. It must have been my eyebrow poor distance vision that won her over. Anyone, on a lunch break she ate all my cheesecake one time(what a bitch) and asked me to take her out. That night I was going to meet her on the Plaza for a date. I got there before she did and got a table. She texted me saying she was going to be late, and to make sure I had a table near a T.V. She asked me, " Who are you routing for tonight :)" I didnt even know baseball was on because it was NBA preseason and that was all that mattered to me. I said Texassssssssss because I hated St Louis so much because I remember kids making fun of my teenage Cubs man breasts... She simply responded "Fuck you" and never showed up to dinner. So I will forever hate the Cardinals... Go every other team in Baseball!!!!I lost so much cheesecake, for such a evil person.defoco2000http://www.blogger.com/profile/04946994945024136198noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2791670136272151774.post-62678152399628420012013-06-13T21:02:00.001-07:002013-06-13T21:02:39.992-07:00The Proud Woods of MapleTonight I got three double cheeseburgers like I always get at Burger King and went and ate at Maple Woods. Most Northland kids who went there always insulted Maple Woods by calling it Maple Weeds, As I walked around there were no weeds. They have a great grounds crew. The only bad memory I have there was when I was walking and a herd of big women who were smoking took up the entire sidewalk and knocked me out of the way as I was walking my freshman year. This place is why I am the way I am today. Liberty High tried to make me love Math and Science and called me dumb if I didn't do well on a test.Logarithms will always be things that float in a toilet to me. The only Chemistry I will ever need to know is that Thundershock will never work on a Geodude. Maple Woods instructors taught me everything important for adulthood except how to spell. I never learned that. For the Perfectionists who are internally correcting my writing feel free to go sit on a cactus for all I care. I finally was reached by teachers who probably smoked more pot than they should have, but there curriculum's ignited my soul. They inspired me to be myself wherever I go and that has always worked for me. If I were to give up my creative ways to get a higher ACT score 7 years ago there wouldn't be 650 people coming to my wedding. I'm not planning to get married anytime soon, but I got a lot of cool ass friends Ive made throughout my travels. Six years ago today at Maple Woods I would be in Summer school taking six shits a day listening to Bruce Springsteen on my way to class. I still do those things today. I will probably not be able to do them forever. I hope to not take six shits a day forever or otherwise toilet paper cost will always lower my credit score.You can't buy this house because of the giant black hole in your ass... I hope to stay myself to the best of my abilities. Pokemon is not as cool as it once was. Very few kids I work with know what I'm talking about. M.J. is gradually fading as kids cheer for the traveling Lebron James. "Mes my favorite athlete" I'm sure is a quote hung in there lockers. NOT FOUR NOT FIVE NOT SIX was Lebron trying to count the number of head bands upon his head. Life is changing and my age is starting to show a little bit. I still don't want to change who I am. My loyalty is to Maple Woods and I hope I can one day teach there.defoco2000http://www.blogger.com/profile/04946994945024136198noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2791670136272151774.post-34126517982983680382013-05-26T07:50:00.000-07:002013-05-26T07:50:13.774-07:00A look Back to the ACL!<div class="text_exposed_root text_exposed">
<span class="userContent" data-ft="{"tn":"K"}">ACL U.... <br /><br /> On February 12 ,2011 I tore my Anterior Cruciate Ligament (Usage). This injury came after I made a really good pass to Derrick Forbis as I went to sidestep and celebrate such a pass I heard a pop in my knee. No orville redenbacher machines were present at this site of this pop so I knew it was my knee. I began to walk like a deer had been clipped by a Subaru Forrestar on 72ND in GLADS<span class="text_exposed_hide">...</span><span class="text_exposed_show">TONE(That's right I'm using a side story of me killing a mammal for vivid imagery to display how strange I was walking). It felt really painful. I tried to do the manly thing in front of the cute front desk girls by trying to walk it off. There was no sawg in that walk that day. I was walking like one of those kids at the Chuckie Cheese who shit his pants in the ball pit and is attempting to find his parents who are drinking in the animatronic mouse portion of the restaurant. I had to flee the scene. Sorry Vivion Road drivers about my driving that day. It was worse than ever. I scheduled a Doctor appointment immediately. His feathered hair and sweater vest told me everything I needed to know that day. The conversation was lacking. This man let me know he made 150,000 a year and I worked in a freezer at HY-Vee.He said many acronyms that most stupid people would never know about,but watching Michael Jordan and the Nba since the womb I knew what A.C.L.s were. Apparently I tore my meniscus as well. I knew what these were, but if I had to spell them in a spelling bee I would not even be accepted on stage. As I would try to walk on stage the judges would be like nice try buddy and throw me off stage. I had to have surgery. So I notified my current collegiate cheer squad my six game stint with them was now over. No more maroon stretchy pants for me or yelping at people with my small Italian thumbs.Glad I was apart of Park Cheer. I loved my time with those hot chicks and the current Prince of Angola. I never got my Auto Tune mega pone but one can still dream! For the next week I had to walk like I had to much to eat at the Home Town Buffet and my stomach had committed suicide, The people let me know what they thought of my ability to walk. Chris Evans had the best line "You walk like you have a Dick in your ass"!That was good to hear as a came up Copley Hill. Abby and many others had great empirical interpretations of my walk as well. I had surgery a week later at Liberty Hospital over spring break.Most people go to the beach for their Spring Breaks and I decided to go to my parent's basement without the ability to walk. Good thinking Matt. TBS comedies and Italian parents watching Jon Wayne movies to three AM is a suitable sight for recovery</span></span></div>
<div class="text_exposed_root text_exposed">
<span class="userContent" data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span class="text_exposed_show">NOT AT ALL). The surgery went well. I decided to delay the A.C.L. surgery through summer so I could work. So my meniscus was recovered before A.C.L. For 7 months the Meniscus was probably giggling and heckling the A.C.L. saying things like hahaha I can go in straight planes again and you cant side step Bitch. Summer was int resting.I couldn't play sports. Many inferior athletes were defeating me at sports upon my own lands because my abilities were only stationary. The inability to side step can enable you s much. I had to think about every action before I did anything. Not having the ability to side step ruined EBDS only concert because I couldn't woe the crowd with my usual aerial antics. People always wanted to play capture the flag this summer. I was the worst person out there. I took on the archetype of that kid who got picked for sports in middle school. It was down to me,the kid with no thumbs, and the kid who had been smoking since the second trimester of birth. Those kids got picked before me for anything it seemed like all summer. Even though Summer sucked athletically, I still had a fun time socially. I went to Brass Rail alot and I got to go to Vegas. Damn you Cinnabun!!!! I gained seven pounds in Vegas cause the Cinnabun was next to my hotel. Brock's Wedding was amazing! Congrats to my Boss and his Booness for Life. Nikki Ms next single will be"Can I Have this BOONess for life. I want to thank my Doctor for him fixing my knee because it allowed me to dance with Mel Burns so thank you Doctor! The semester went well. I finally passed Stats a class based on how a bunch of men saw a triangle during an Orgy but whatever. Made alot of new friends and with Alex Hall and Paul finding Boos from Maryville(the worlds worst city) I know longer hate the Bearcat. If I do ever encounter one though I will kick its ass without a doubt. Even though Breena Lawson cut off the metaphoric wings of the pegasus they will grow back. Im excited to have a new A.C.L and be able to side step this summer. Im excited about my new job and things to come. Thanks for the help during this attempted side step in my life!!! I got some good Friends. P.S. mary you better hang my Shaq poster up or a metaphoric Pegasus will place his droppings on your all white CAR HAHA.</span></span></div>
defoco2000http://www.blogger.com/profile/04946994945024136198noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2791670136272151774.post-71714406980329281932013-05-21T16:58:00.002-07:002013-05-21T16:58:18.592-07:00Grad School <div class="yiv8698698261MsoNormal" id="yui_3_7_2_1_1369180672737_1624">
<span id="yui_3_7_2_1_1369180672737_1759" style="line-height: 200%;">Recently I have been accepted to a graduate program. Im very excited about this opportunity. I had a graduate interview at another local institution. It was not expecting it to go so bad. I have had 23 interviews in my life for various activities and jobs. My worst interview I ever had was for Park University’s spirit squad. I essentially free styled for some blonde women and did a ninja roll on a hard wood floor. Such mumbo jumbo worked because I got a scholarship for it (unfortunately that Ninja roll </span><span style="line-height: 26px;">didn't</span><span id="yui_3_7_2_1_1369180672737_1762" style="line-height: 200%;"> lead too much because I tore my A.C.L. 5 weeks later and never cheered again. Those 4 games were probably the worst in History). Another really bad interview I had was to be a birthday party coordinator at a gymnastic school. For some reason they hired me on as a coach. I had no experience in being flexible, or even falling gracefully. I was fired immediately after my first coaching shift because I had the kids on the trampoline doing front and back ninja rolls. I than received a check for 16$ in the mail 3 weeks later. I could have told the lady I had no experience in the realm of gymnastics, but such a question was never asked in the interview. To this day I’m still baffled by this interview.</span></div>
<div class="yiv8698698261MsoNormal" id="yui_3_7_2_1_1369180672737_1764">
<span style="line-height: 200%;">This gentleman who interviewed me </span><span style="line-height: 26px;">didn't</span><span id="yui_3_7_2_1_1369180672737_1790" style="line-height: 200%;"> even talk really about my Psychology background. He </span><span style="line-height: 26px;">didn't</span><span id="yui_3_7_2_1_1369180672737_1763" style="line-height: 200%;"> even ask questions about my experiences in a self-contained classroom or about career aspirations. The first question he asked me was “ SO I SEE YOU DIDN’T DO SO WELL IN COLLEGE ALLGEBRA HOW COME? My response was than Yeah I missed about a third of the class because I </span><span style="line-height: 26px;">couldn't</span><span style="line-height: 200%;"> drive to class due to having knee surgery. Than I explained how I </span><span style="line-height: 26px;">couldn't</span><span id="yui_3_7_2_1_1369180672737_1765" style="line-height: 200%;"> afford to retake it. I than explained to him I was never good at math. I can’t help it I had an awful teacher in 6</span><sup style="line-height: 200%;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">th</span></sup><span style="line-height: 200%;"> and 7</span><sup style="line-height: 200%;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">th</span></sup><span style="line-height: 200%;"> grade. I had a disgruntled old man who retired the year after are class.. He yelled at us all the time and said we </span><span style="line-height: 26px;">wouldn't</span><span style="line-height: 200%;"> ever go to college. I now understand he suffered from erectile dysfunction and had lost a coupon to save 7 cents a pound on oranges in 2001. He will never be on those Viagra boat commercials because he was an asshole .I was busy drawing pictures of Pokémon and talking to chicks. They </span><span style="line-height: 26px;">didn't </span><span style="line-height: 200%;">date my fat self-back then, but I sure made them laugh. Most girls back than were a foot taller than me and </span><span style="line-height: 26px;">didn't </span><span style="line-height: 200%;">want to listen to my Bon Jovi Cds on my bus. I remember one time I was sitting in the back of the bus and the batteries on my Cd player fell out. A girl who was sitting across from me took them and put them down her shirt and she insisted on my coming to grab them. Sadly her sex drive was two years ahead of mine. I just told her to keep them. I was more concerned about Goku’s Power levels and eating a </span><span style="line-height: 26px;">corn dog</span><span style="line-height: 200%;"> than retrieving my dollar general batteries which only had about 6 minutes left on them anyway. How come he </span><span style="line-height: 26px;">didn't</span><span id="yui_3_7_2_1_1369180672737_1797" style="line-height: 200%;"> ask about that in the interview? Than another thing he talked about how I probably </span><span style="line-height: 26px;">wouldn't</span><span id="yui_3_7_2_1_1369180672737_1796" style="line-height: 200%;"> be able to keep my job or my girlfriend. He said she would probably leave cause of all the stress in my life. That’s optimistic </span><span style="line-height: 26px;">isn't</span><span style="line-height: 200%;"> it? So after my interview I threw the T-Shirt they gave me out of my window somewhere on 87</span><sup style="line-height: 200%;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">th</span></sup><span style="line-height: 200%;"> and Metcalf. The birds </span><span id="yui_3_7_2_1_1369180672737_1795" style="line-height: 26px;">wouldn't</span><span id="yui_3_7_2_1_1369180672737_1794" style="line-height: 200%;"> even use such a T-Shirt for their nests because it reeked of despair. Thankfully I got into the program that I wanted and the lady who talked to me on the phone </span><span style="line-height: 26px;">didn't</span><span id="yui_3_7_2_1_1369180672737_1793" style="line-height: 200%;"> tell me I should try harder on Math and tell my girlfriend to leave me. </span></div>
defoco2000http://www.blogger.com/profile/04946994945024136198noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2791670136272151774.post-58819226827684505062013-04-03T19:13:00.000-07:002013-04-03T19:13:22.492-07:00There is no such thing as an Italian ring tailed Lemur?Today I received a text from my girlfriend stating she wanted to tree climb tomorrow!!! The opportunity sounds amazing. I can't wait to prove to the world I can still climb. Years ago before I hit my third puberty, I was a good climber. Than the lord rewarded me with a big butt and hairy thighs . Since I have received an official pair of natural pants I must wear every day of my life, every time I do an athletic move about 17-39 hairs rip out of my body. These numbers have no evidence to support the claim but it hurts every time I move.Since I got really hairy, I don't like to climb as much. Also Since I have been rewarded with a natural pants no one would ever buy, I tore my hamstring,meniscus and A.C.L. I have had to brave the elements since I wanted to cut that leg off. This winter my girlfriend and I went ice skating with many other couples. It was our first large group date and I had never told Amanda I couldn't ice skate. The last three times I had gone to Crown Center previous to this date I would always fall 3-5 times on my first lap and than run to Crown Center in shame. I am still waiting for the Australian Store to get some Hugh Jackman merchandise but its yet to come. I would always go to the toy store by myself and look and the mini animal collection waiting for my friends to text me. Such an escape couldn't happen now that I was on a real date. Upon the first lap Amanda noticed I was like a guy who had eaten to much applesauce the day of.(In elementary school there was a kid I knew who had to much applesauce one day and he crapped his pants. Everyone loves applesauce BUT THERE ARE LIMITS) Before I would fall I would squat real low and I looked like I was regretting eating to much apple sauce. A Beautiful girl had to stand beside a defecating poor balanced hairy Italian man who just wanted to go look at some toys. Well tomorrow I will not eat apple sauce. I will climb the highest tree at Loose Park for this girl. Giant hips and all I will prove the hipsters and the unemployed drifters of the park I can climb!!!! Geese are my natural enemy. They will know I am vulnerable in climb mode, so if they want to attack me tomorrow bring it on!!I will fling applesauce upon them from the heavens!!!(If you're just reading my blog I don't like geese cause one time I had to shovel geese poop for two hours in front of an entire elementary school and the small royals hat I wore that day couldn't cover my shame. I vow to get back at the geese who lay ed there applesauce down at Southeast elementary).I will climb a tree for my girl. Sliding on frozen water is a different story. I never want to appear like that deer who had been hit by a car but still lives with the herd. That's what I looked like trying to Ice skate at crown center.defoco2000http://www.blogger.com/profile/04946994945024136198noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2791670136272151774.post-17621417598168132942013-02-21T10:37:00.000-08:002013-02-21T10:38:19.987-08:00Adults must wear hoods??<span class="userContent">Healing opportunities can be disguised as people who really piss you off. Pay attention because they could be your greatest teachers-Gabrielle Bernstein</span><br />
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<span class="userContent">Recently I have been reading a book called MAY CAUSE MIRACLES. It has been an amazing read for me so far and I'm only five days in out of the 40 day guidebook within the book. I recommend this book for anyone in a transition in their life like I am. I recently graduated in May and had no idea what I was going to do with my life. I was shoveling Geese Shit at a local school hoping my Royals hat would cover up my shame, but since I have a pinhead the world saw my anguish. I was going to either join the Air Force or try to move to Colorado with my tall British friend who thinks I can barely read, but I met a girl. I met a girl at my friends coming home party. She was the most attractive girl I ever saw who was interested in talking to a boy with sweat stains under a 4 dollar old navy faded Bulls shirt. I ate about 13-19 chicken nuggets in front of this Vegetarian and had no idea. Besides talking about horny flat billed wearing college athletes from Park University on our first date it has worked out. She has brought back the passion in my eyes. Its like the song JUKE BOX HERO. I got stars in my eyes again. I recently hit a little snag cause I don't like my current job but its time to take the G.R.E. I was going to try to keep this job while in Grad School but its to stressful. So a job that I enjoy where I don't have to get up at 5:45 in the morning and have the pooping patterns of a 76 year old would be nice for once.What the book may cause miracles has done for me has helped me see Love where I go instead of fear. I don't have fear at my current job, but its not what I want to do with my whole life. I want to pursue my dreams but gradually and do it properly. I recently lived in a house where I couldn't sleep so I decided to move home for free.The house is an amazing house but its not my house. I want my own house. There were more pubes in the shower than the hours I slept in the house ..Having to play hackey sack with my MALE roommates luffas everyday was not a pleasure of mine since testicle germs on my feet freaked me out. When a combination of old tooth paste and hair mix in a sink and hot soap and water cant stop it you know its not good. I think that a creature formulated in the sink and destroyed downtown Parkville. The only way to stop the sink creature is to obtain the power of the THUNDER SNOW from Kansas City. KIDDING, but its easier to drive 17 extra minutes a day.The sink finally got fixed and helped with the creature. I want to try to have my own house and pube free bathroom by August or live in the City Market area with Jon MOON. Cant wait for summer Love,Volleyball and NBA Finals and Beef Jerky. KEEP YOUR DREAMS ALIVE KANSAS CITY!!! Its time to get things done. </span><br />
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<span class="userContent">STARTED TO SELL MY TOY COLLECTION. If anyone wants some cool shit for their offspring check EBay or with Alex Hall.</span>defoco2000http://www.blogger.com/profile/04946994945024136198noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2791670136272151774.post-6041989570883883102013-01-05T07:47:00.000-08:002013-01-05T07:47:15.568-08:00SUBAWHO??A fine Automobile took its last ride from Shawnee Mission/RoeLand Park area to liberty on December 26. Upon Its journey home it began to overheat and shake coming home during rush hour. The next day it made it to be traded in.. 1,500 is what the old SPORT UTILITY WAGON got. Take that Jeff Paul. It was still sporty. 142,000 miles the car had went. It had took the lives of many woodland creatures with it through out its Journey, I hit well over 10 raccoons, an entire gaggle of Geese crossing a Major Highway.Two of the four deer who ran out in front of me on the worst date of my life. Thanks alot sweat hands. I hit a night pigeon or something on Highway B in Kearney in 2006 that saved my virginity from a tall abnormal trophy wench of the North. Her delicate touch fell short to the Soulful night swallow who's intestine bled my windshield up more than that awful wood chipper seen in Fargo. That can kill an erection faster than anything you have ever imagined, Even for a horny 17 year old boy who knows nothing better than Pokeman and Ben Gordons Fg%. Im Sorry Subaru about hitting the four mail boxes, I hit in our time together. Its hard to learn to Park when your Dad's smoking a Cigar and talking about Chicago in the 1980s. You never held another drink after that Lummox of a Women broke your cup holder in the back. You saved Joel and Adam Roth that day little cup holder, they just never knew it. I'm sorry that fat Indian Boy next store who ripped your carpet because he drags his horse feet around with him when he walks. Silent on his feet he is not.because hes not even remotly Indian in any form. 142000 miles,36 Women,24 jobs,7 years of stanky ass chain gang members(Dan Read and Tim had awful pungent youthful scents) Stanky Ass and lack of soap + Axe body spray is much more of a foul sent than the Tigers Den at the Kansas City zoo.An equation no math teacher would like to solve. We salute you old Friend!!!! Sorry for the Mustard stain. I had weird thumbs and the central nervous system of a lost cold goat because both my parents smoked when I was watching Jurassic Park for 5 years in a basement. Your Replacement is a good man. His name is Jimmy Butler because hes my new favorite Chciago Bull. a Chevy Sonic 2012 is the new guard in town. He is a Sonic even though he is the color of Knuckles.. Sorry Sega fans...<br />
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Tonight, tonight the strip's just right<br />I wanna blow 'em off in my first
heat<br />Summer's here and the time is right<br />For racin' in the street-Bruce Springsteen!!!!!!!!!<br />defoco2000http://www.blogger.com/profile/04946994945024136198noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2791670136272151774.post-5827345046026486012012-12-03T18:33:00.000-08:002012-12-03T18:38:08.882-08:00Cave Women Vs. Neck PubesAn irrational fear of mine is my Italian neck hair. After recently hitting my third puberty my neck hair has been out of control. I have been dating my awesome girlfriend for 4 months now and previous to us dating I had gotten word that she was going to be coming to my friends birthday party. As I got word from my T-Mobile text message(Having Tmobile the text may have come from a year ago but my neck has was awful, so I preceded to call my haircut lady Ashley) I couldn't reach her through my 30 dollar cell phone. My next step was carrier pigeon. I have only seen Pigeons in Riverside and there was no way I was about to even get near a creature that resides in Riverside. I would instantaneously catch Lockjaw from the bird and metal would not even be in the transaction. Damn the ecosystems of Riverside. So with an hour until the event I drove to Fantastic Sams.(Nothing was fantastic about the establishment and none of the three workers who were there names were Sam and not even remotely close to such a name.) The giant women who was going to cut my hair scared the living hell out of me. She was probably a division three athlete who had to leave college early because she broke her coaches dick off in a roid rage. Now she has been given a sharp utensil, a tarp, and a room full of mirrors at here disposal which made my neck pubes quiver like Italian neck hair can only do upon a cold winters night. She asked what I wanted and I preceded to tell her just a hair buzz hoping she wasn't going to cut my throat and harvest my seaman and blood for Winter or something. Anyway the hair was cut by the cave dwelling women and Amanda didn't end up showing to the Birthday party I was going too. Guys Girls don't mind the neck pubes unless you just give up on hygiene. Date women who like you for who you are!!!! Its amazing when you do!!! Before I met this girl I thought all women talked about Pintercrest,dick sizes,laundry soap smells and how they want to have sex with Edward the Vampire. Alteast 45% of women talk about those things but there are good women out there.defoco2000http://www.blogger.com/profile/04946994945024136198noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2791670136272151774.post-27165514237611051742012-10-25T11:50:00.001-07:002012-10-25T11:52:23.902-07:00Skanks love wheelie backpacks don't they Lance??<br />
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I feel Lance Armstrong is done with all his spandex short.
The shorts were donated to a skanky dress foundation through the lands. I
recently acquired <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>my gorgeous classy
tall girlfriend through a sociological draft, and she asked me to accompany her
to the dance where women decided to leave their underwear home for the night’s
festivities. . There was actually a sign that said Y.O.L.O. LEAVE YOUR
UNDERWEAR AT THE DOOR. At the social venue I was at the majority of the dresses
I saw were made of old Lance Armstrong shorts held up by old live strong bracelets.(Not
really but the nips and crotch regions were probably the only things really
covered up) The small surfaced area dresses cover up enough skin to distinguish
the women from prostitutes, but still a lot of flesh was showing. Flesh isn’t bad
if you’re at P.B.R. and not wanting to go home that night with the mechanical
Bull, but this was an attempt at a college formal. If you’re going to grind
your drunken frat boy’s boner on a dance floor you could at least be classy
about it.(There is no non skanky way to be classy about grinding) <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Grinding could be a good form of dancing when you’re
fifteen and get an erection every 12 minutes.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>If you’re an adult act like an adult, and not like you lost your
virginity in the Toys R US parking lot listening to Never Say Never!!!!!! That
Giraffe is just such a temptress. One of these days Victoria will not have a
secret because there won’t be underwear to sell. Even manikins will be out of
work because they will just be naked all the time. I could see news feed on
C.N.N. ROMNEY GETS MANIKIN VOTE PROMOSISES MORE JOBS.150<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Manikin’s died last year because they burned
alive working in the firework business. DAMN YOU SKANKS WHO VOTED FOR OBAMA. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Wheelie Backpacks are not necessary. In the very computer
lab where I am typing this blog post a women just ran into my chair with a
wheelie backpack and had the expression on her face like I wasn’t sitting in
far enough.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m sorry I just had three chili
dogs for lunch and I don’t want to sit like I am getting a personal hemlock maneuver.
Maybe I want to Facebook chat and not shit my pants lady…. I’m sorry I can do
squats again and my ass is growing. The lady doesn’t need a Wheelie
Backpack.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I forgot Park University has
an Airport and 79 passengers are waiting on her to fly them out of here. It’s a
five minute walk across campus lady.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I know
you had to park at the second terminal today and walk it in but my gosh you
still have time to stop by Starbucks.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Oh
wait its called Pirate Grounds. I’ve never had a wheelie backpack and never
will. I have luggage that’s on wheels but its Luggage.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I saw Quasimodo walking to class today. He didn’t
even have a wheelie Backpack. I want to personally go around and steal the left
tire or flatten every small tire on every wheelie backpack in the city. The
small wheel business can personally bring us out of a recession if I blow up
30,000 mini tires. MANIKINS BACK TO WORK MAKING TIRES!!! <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I want to be the first man with recycled tires
on my mini wheelie backpack. Are those wheels?? No there week old bagel bites. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Basically the entire premise of this week’s
message is don’t be a skank and get a real fucking backpack for once </span><span style="font-family: Wingdings; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-char-type: symbol; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-symbol-font-family: Wingdings;"><span style="mso-char-type: symbol; mso-symbol-font-family: Wingdings;">J</span></span><o:p></o:p></div>
defoco2000http://www.blogger.com/profile/04946994945024136198noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2791670136272151774.post-80047863417633762652012-09-26T20:08:00.000-07:002012-09-26T20:08:02.190-07:00No Maintenance Men Don't have LeprosyThe other day I was walking to get a drink in one of the elementary schools I work at, and a little boy asked me "Hey who are you?" I wanted to respond I am a loud fool, who is poor at math, who can't drive at Night nor swim in the deep end. I simple responded I work outside. Little did that child know that the ones who read him Cat In The Hat also portray me as a Leper. Yeah the Bicycle Apartments are a Leper colony and I am in charge of the mutant Olympics. Me and my team of Hunchbacks are looking really good at Volleyball this year. I wanted to respond I keep geese from fornicating, and clean up the rubbish of the local section 8 indigenous tribes of Riverside. Shot Gun Shells are Burger King ketchup have never stopped me before.It was interesting when this boy questioned my identity. I know my strengths very clearly ,but have yet to utilize them. I have obtained my 30,000 piece of paper from Park University that states I can read and know how to apply honey mustard to various dead animals, but why haven't I <span style="background-color: yellow;">found </span>a career job? My indolent ways and calling people DINKUS have made me loose my social Perspective. I still want to be a Clinical Psychologist. I don't want to shovel Geese poop in 50 cent Royals floppy hats the rest of my life. This fall is my time to shine. I have been slown down by an A.C.L. tear and getting a D- in a stats class because I was to drunk in Vegas to do my homework!!! I didn't know Baileys was so good. Alcoholic coffee?? You mean I keep getting drunk and staying up? My mind must have had Tmobile that night because there were a alot of dropped calls. My bladder was probably calling at 2 am. WHAT ARE YOU DOING UP THERE?I am going for my Masters. When teachers look at me and Go green eggs and ham? I will simple say I don't give a Damn!!I can read cat in the Hat too and I am planning on teaching classes on Alexander the Great, and how to develop the strengths of your personality. I don't want kids walking in my classes wearing tap out shirts questioning why there isn't a cat in my hat. I HAVE A PINHEAD!!! If there is some form a dwarf cat I am not yet aware of no cat is fitting in my hat.defoco2000http://www.blogger.com/profile/04946994945024136198noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2791670136272151774.post-10401156222276109252012-08-20T13:54:00.001-07:002012-08-20T13:54:07.192-07:00The Mighty Geese?<br />
"Well, I shoveled shit in Louisiana."George Patton<br /><br />
Geese are the neck hair of the animal Kingdom!!! No one wants them around. Today Me, a floppy hat,the music of Colbie Colliet , and a flat shovel had to embark upon the most grotesque 2 hours of my young adult life. An entire gaggle, flock,V, whatever you want to call it flew into a parking lot at the school I work at and shat everywhere. It smelled worse than a hipster after a day of Frisbee in direct sunlight. Children and several teachers saw me grunting at this tragedy. Perhaps all these Geese had eaten Taco Bell the Night before? I can understand Nickelback is from Canada. I would have left too.Either way these vermin need to find a new home. Emilio Estavez never stared in a movie about mighty Geese...I know he hasnt worked in awhile so maybe he can make a movie about getting ride of Geese. All the child actors of the Mighty Ducks could probably come help me get ride of these vagabonds. I have always been a Duck man. Now more so than ever. The only famous Geese in history are the Geese from that God Awful Movie " Fly Away Home".Luckily all those Geese from that Movie are now dead and no one has referenced that movie since this Blog post. Ive have never FELT LOWER THAN CLEANING UP THE EXCREMENT OF FUTURE PILLOWS IN THE EYES OF CHILDREN. "Mommy whats that scummy man doing?" "Oh he went to Park University don't worry about him. No but for real such an experience would make a man get a Masters degree faster than you could say Justin Beiber.My plan now is to get in contact with the Aflac Duck and raise a standing army of Ducks and former child stars to take down the Geese.defoco2000http://www.blogger.com/profile/04946994945024136198noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2791670136272151774.post-37313723475565836402012-08-05T19:38:00.000-07:002012-08-05T19:38:19.324-07:00August Big time Rushing around!!!I would like to clarify this post has nothing to do with that movie where that kid tries to get his parents back together by playing the violin(May not be the same movie don't quote me on that. Maybe even the parent trap). This was the quickest Summer on record for me in Missouri.Alot of Winsteads and Two K 12 was played. It was also the hottest. It always looked like I just ate Tasty Thai when people saw me, but I was actually just walking to check the mail. It was a very sweaty time for everyone. My pool was closed at three random times. People need to stop giving Birth in public pools. Switch back to hay, it worked in the 1890s!!Common society some of us just want to drink Mondos and talk about N.B.A. I am happy a vast majority of my friends will return to the dorms soon. Volleyball will be super fun when English landing gets their courts open. Even though I have the A.C.L. of a dead hobo it is still fun. I play like I'm 47.Last summer was bad when my A.C.L. was torn. I walked liked I had to go work in a bell tower and it seems even the worst of the worst had something to say about my Quasi Moto movements.Some people had the hand eye coordination of a mole ,yet I was stationary and inferior.Just to be able to play I had to wrap my knee in several Dollar General ace bandages. For the first summer in my life I didn't buy new shorts on tax free weekend. Every summer my butt grows and I cant wear normal people pants.It is like those things you buy that grow 600% in warm water. I have the butt of a 227 lbs man and it gets worse as time goes on. Luckily Ive lost 16 pounds this year since surgery. Last year it seemed like every retail store I went in I heard the song "Edge of Glory". I hate short shopping. Being a flexed man trying to buy clothes amongst middle schoolers was awful. I essential boxed out youth to get to the trying room. Kids would tweet "OMG!!! This big butted Man totally just cut us in line"Hash Tag Big Butted man sits on horse and kills it at little girls birthday party. Such an event has yet to happen in my life, but it could soon. This summer I have awakened spiritually. Ive read several books and I really want to grow. I don't want my Butt to grow anymore, but my faith and kindness.Looking into a Mission trip for the first time. Ive done some local ones before, but cutting a bagel for an old person only has so much complexity to it. "Mam would you like cream cheese?" "Are you Tom Cruise??Hope everyone has safe travel upon the way to school.defoco2000http://www.blogger.com/profile/04946994945024136198noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2791670136272151774.post-39426749307999386532012-06-21T14:39:00.001-07:002012-06-21T14:39:28.601-07:00Skank OFFI recently witnessed my very first skank off!!! These women that I was amongst went dead silent at the very sight of each other. I barely know them, but I know they like to speak loud and be the center of attention. At the event I was at 13 people were present. It was amazing because I barely knew anyone there, but I got the low down from some worthless side characters. These women apparentlyy slept with the same man within the last year. That very act silenced the crowd. It was awesome. Imagine if a third skank would have been there? Triple threat match in the HELL IN THE CELL and the winner gets to go Facebook Official with the man whore himself. SKANK OFF 2012 . I love human Behavior. Tranquil avoidance is always classic.defoco2000http://www.blogger.com/profile/04946994945024136198noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2791670136272151774.post-65168947754670149692012-06-09T08:17:00.000-07:002012-06-09T08:17:13.081-07:00You mean im still thirsty after Thursday?Out into the great wide open,A rebel without a clue-Tom Petty.<br />
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Hello everyone!! I am back after three months of young adulthood using my external parts like a hacky sack. Taking two 400 level courses and working 6 am to 2 does not allow alot of time to talk about sex and young adulthood online. I was still able to work through all of the responsibility after it hit. Now Im back. Life is good right now. I enjoy my current job because I work with more ground hogs than people. I have obscure tan lines and a wasp stung my butt and its still strange to sit even as I type this post... We as 18-25 year olds enter into a very important summer. The Summer of "oh god now I have to pay for bread". I have seen more engagements this early summer than I have seen in any other beginning of summer ever.Jarrod you dirty Bastard!!!!!.Lar ge friend groups are starting to break up at fast rates. Its interesting to see how everything willunfold.As peoples age grows some girls are deciding to wear more clothes and others are deciding to still vomit in the streets of P.N.L. at 4 am wearing nothing but two handkerchiefs and a price chopper bag as there bottoms. Its fun to go out, but just be safe out there girls. Theirs are a lot of horny dudes lurking in the shadows and there all assassins, because they can make you "Tap Out".Their shirt specifies there very important skill sets already. Another pattern you will see is all the girls who have fakes who drink themselves crazy start to realize around 21 that their body can't handle such a lifestyle and they begin to cut back. Those are the best crews of girls to go out with. The experienced veteran girls who still enjoy life, but don't vomit on the floor of your Subaru(Yes that happened one time(thanks a lot Maryville Missouri)).So gentleman who do wear pants who aren't creepy look for those type of girls to party with or chill with. Another gathering of girls you will see at the club are the super horny 21-25 year old girls who waited to drink until the legal age and can't handle the maturation behind it. You can only watch Gilmore Girls so long until there is a freak out.These women seek marriage after six months of dating so they can go back to watching the Gilmore Girls. Damn you ABC FAMILY!!! BEWARE GENTS!!! A group or trend I have noticed in Kansas City is the 21-28 year old crew of married people or engaged folks. They travel in couples of 4- 6 an our usually former frat brothers that work at the same firm or company and bring their Boo's with them. I don't ride with that crowd much because I still haven't met the Mutant artistic Blonde Ive been dreaming of. Until Next time Later Kansas City!!!defoco2000http://www.blogger.com/profile/04946994945024136198noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2791670136272151774.post-34548680659458904982012-03-12T07:15:00.000-07:002012-03-12T07:15:06.036-07:00Personal NarrativeThe Man You Stupid Chronicles will finish up later this week. Heres my testimony for some who haven't heard it.<br />
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<span id="yui_3_2_0_5_1331564899877529" style="color: black; font-family: 'sans-serif';">Baptism
is a powerful word. Up until a week ago I really couldn’t spell it
properly. The meaning behind my terrible interpretation of this word
was quite significant! Growing up I never got a chance to get baptized
or really discover Jesus and his teachings. Michael Jordan retired so
we moved to Missouri was how I saw it, even though it was for my
Father’s career. I moved to Liberty Missouri at age 12 with all 150
Pokémon caught and had no idea what was in store for the rest of my
life. My parents took us to Church growing up but I never really
blended into the Youth Group Circuit. I had a great group of Peers from
Liberty and we all kept each other out of trouble which was good and
with my parent’s authoritative backing I made good decisions even
though Christ was still not my center. I got more exposed to Christ and
Church a little bit my senior year by going to F.C.A. All I got out of
that though was some free bagels and tall blonde women’s Numbers. </span><span style="color: black;"></span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: 'sans-serif';">It
was in a Philosophy Class at Maple woods where my first thoughts
formulated upon my rebirthing of the soul and development of my
spiritual Identity started to assimilate. A professor said “Matthew
your ancestors use to Be Mud and then Millions of Years later they
became Fish”. I replied with “Well 3 days ago I guess I killed my uncle
with a Hook through the Eye”. Sadly this triggering event is what led
me to Bible Study. I knew there was a deeper meaning to the universe. A
great metamorphism began to occur to me as I seeked God for the first
time. As my maturation occurred so did my belief in God’s word. After
my time came to an end at Maple Woods I decided to go to Maryville
Missouri for collegiate development. It was an archaic city with scan
dally clad women and God was setting a pick for me to roll Home. I got
the memo. I went to one Church up there and a pastor told me to burn
all my Secular Cds!!!I went back to my dorm room and looked at my Bruce
Springsteen’s greatest hits and said Cant do It!!!Till this day I still
question the validity of a Bearcat!</span><span style="color: black;"></span></div>
</div>
<span id="yui_3_2_0_5_1331564899877543" style="color: black; font-family: 'sans-serif';">I
returned to Kansas City and transferred to Park. A sigh of relief hit
my soul when I stepped foot on the Campus. With several hIlls and T
mobile lacking everywhere I went I found very unique batch of people.
Everywhere I went had pleasant conversation. Me and my flexed friend
Tim stumbled upon a man named Ben Zibers. He invited us to play Frisbee
on a Thursday. We decided to go and it was awesome. There were a bunch
of people my age running around. I hadnt really seen this behavior
before and I was excited to play. I went to the campus ministry known
as revive over the following month and it was a great feeling. I still
didn’t really know anyone. I had the opportunity to goto Missouri Fall
Getaway which was a college Christian Weekend thing. There The Park
folk and I meshed well because they were impressed with my ability to
drink apple cider. As a year and a half went by I made the best friends
I had ever met in my whole life. There uniqueness and quest to follow
God motivated me quite well. With several free meals and classes
together God had put amazing people in my life. I finally felt accepted
and the Holy Spirit moved through us unlike my days when I use to hang
out at Hardy’s in Gladstone. Life has been amazing each day. I stumbled
upon restore last semester and really liked it. With an awful Retail
schedule selling Reba Mcantire Sheets, I had to miss several weeks. I
found a new job and was allowed to go again to the Church I was
starting to want to stay at!! I was on Board for restore when my tall
blonde British friend Emma wanted to attend Restore. When I saw my
friend Derrieck Forbis get baptized about a month ago from a Pastor who
liked the Chicago Bulls and sang Foreigner on stage, I knew it was time
for me to take the plunge even though I swim like a River Otter that
got hit by an F150. I’ve been quite blessed this year and I hope this
Baptism cleanses my soul. Its time to allow God to be my center and
seek His name everyday, for the rest of my life upon this Surface. </span>defoco2000http://www.blogger.com/profile/04946994945024136198noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2791670136272151774.post-62214971708920424372012-02-28T13:18:00.000-08:002012-02-28T13:18:34.649-08:00The Man You Stupid Chronicles-Thats alot of JOBS Part 1Look at the size of my wallet-Jay Sherman<br />
<br />
Number three on the list I found that day was "Get a bad ass job"Such a task has yet to be complete. I am finally receiving my B.A. of arts in Psch in May after three transfers,moving four times and two knee surgeries. Looking back over the last seven years I have had some weird and awful jobs. Hy-vee,the Y.M.C.A. Liberty Public Schools and Brock Smith have been very good to me. The rest I cant say the same about. My very first job was working in a bakery with the worst Native American ever, my best friend Dan Read. We learned very little about life and ended up fatter after the job because Dan decided to get paid in food. The 7-14 dollars I made a week were good for my dollar store runs, but wasn't starting the bank account I had always dreamed of. <br />
The next year after that I worked at Hy-vee and never really should have left there. After a year of Chicken strips and hitting on women who didn't know how to apply makeup yet I was on my way. I learned how to push carts and to never put a bag of chips under a can of chili again. Over the next year I briefly worked passing out flyer's at a local gym. I did an awful job with that. One time I had to take all the brochures off of these cars down town because a man in spandex shorts said it was against the law. He had a flashlight I thought he would shove up my butt so I listened to the man(I have an irrational fear of spandex. I feel its a seaman killer like Jean shorts so I will never wear it. I want amazing children).The next time I passed out brochures, me and my friend Bret with one testicle passed out 1000 brochures in peoples Mail boxes. You weren't suppose to do that. They should have been put on doors instead. I lost the brochures job and began to hold signs for K-Mart. It was a solid job, but my 127 pound frame at the time was taking a beating from the November cold(Maybe Martha Stewart could have actually bought me a jacket or something.That's why she was sent to jail). I ended up going back to work for the Fitness center. I handed out more brochures and worked there desk for about 16 days. The only cool thing about that job was one time a women seduced me, but I was to dumb to understand anything. It was like 15 minutes before closing time and this smoking hot women came in to tan. we talked for like five minutes and I made her laugh like I usually do with most people(women from the ages of 30-42 will probably one day capture me and sacrifice me to some Cougar God or something. I always get hit on by horny midlifes and very few women my own age).She kept saying "YOU KNOW I TAN NAKED"and kept talking about oils and stuff(my socially awkward 18 year old self was blind). She went back to tan and I began to listen to Bruce Springsteen and fold laundry. She called me back to the tanning bed and said it wasn't working.(She clearly knew how to work such machines. Little did I know It was a Sexual trap). As I got into the tanning bed I noticed the women was completely naked sitting in a chair smiling at me more spread than a cheese display at a Packers party. I simply said ALL YOU DO IS HIT THE BUTTON AND LEFT THE ROOM.( luckily her vagina didn't have a gravitational pull)Shes tanned for ten minutes and left. I kept dancing to Bruce and folding towels. Little did I know this Cougar wanted some meat that day and I would rather dance to Bruce Springsteen in a laundry room. I ended up only working at the gym like three more days. I'm happy I didn't get raped by a horny lady that resembled a giant carrot with Boobs. The lord protected me and clearly I got Vitamin D other ways that year. The next Job I took was a janitor at a church. Cleaning up God's peoples fecal matter was not really that fulfilling. I left the Methodist poop and went up to Maryville. I was a ref. for a bunch of drunk men in hhigh socks for a semester. Not a good job there either. I then got a Job in Maryville at a fitness center for about a week. They wanted me to open at six am so I left.I was very uncoachable in those times. I got a 57 dollar check from them. I then got a job in a business office at Maryville For about three days and left the town for Good. I wasn't meant to be in a town where at one point a bear had sex with a cat and a college was formed based off this myth. Next post I will talk about my return to Kansas City. The first part of my job history was intense. Theres plenty of more to come!!!!!Tune in next week for my tales of cleaning up poop in three counties!!!!defoco2000http://www.blogger.com/profile/04946994945024136198noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2791670136272151774.post-70977866749420416972012-02-25T11:29:00.001-08:002012-02-25T11:29:20.077-08:00The Man you Stupid Chronicles-15 cent in the house<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Last week I talked about how biceps are not the way to a girl’s
heart. Also on how it takes several 16 year old men to put in a light bulb, and
12 to figure out what a text message means. This week I dive into the idea and second
goal on my worthless my list from 6 years ago. Number two on this list was <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">GET RICH NO MATTER WHAT.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Looking back on such a dull statement
I would like to clarify that I am not 50 cent. I am an awful rap sensation and
with my pin head I can’t fit into any flat billed hat. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m now financially stable, but when this list
was written I had probably 180 dollars in the bank. I was really racking in
those dollars from the 6.25 an hour I was making at the Local Hy-vee. Most of
my money from that time period went to Dollar Tree and my Chicken Strip fund. I
think I only ate chicken strips for about a year span (toilet paper cost were
at an all time high. Sorry Mom and Dad). I had bought eight Bruce Springsteen
Cds at this point and clearly my loot was dwindling progressively.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I was such a douche at the age of
18.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Now I can careless about money. All
I want is a job that can support me and future Boos.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was a Business Major back than and thought
this would help me become rich.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I learned
to hate myself and money. At Northwest Missouri state (the world’s worst
college in the world’s worst city) a bald man who wore turtle necks all the
time made me realize my mind was much more complex than worrying about profit margins.
You should have seen the eyebrow’s on this guy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Ancient Alaska Natives could have walked across these eyebrows they were
so thick. Another man who didn’t wear undershirts made me hate business as
well.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He wore very thin shirts and had
the largest nipples on a male Id <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>ever
seen. His nipples attempting to teach me Business Calculus made me walk out of
a math class. After eight weeks I couldn’t stare at those things anymore. They
were like owl’s eyes in a very scary movie in a dark forest. They sent me
running for the Hills. I never wanted to learn about money or giant male
nipples again. I came back to Kansas City and declared my degree Psychology.
Looking back now I can analyze and cognitively defeat the giant nipples so I was
happy God brought me back.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I learned
that wealth was not important to me and at some point I would be just fine with
any degree financially.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I never would
have thought that a man who looked like a turtle whose eyebrows conjoined continents,
and Doctor Nipple Douche would make me hate Business and money all together. <o:p></o:p></span></div>defoco2000http://www.blogger.com/profile/04946994945024136198noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2791670136272151774.post-14175544329070659852012-02-18T08:20:00.000-08:002012-02-18T08:20:11.324-08:00The Man You Stupid Chronicles<br />
<div align="center" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif";">"Man
you stupid"-LeBron James</span><o:p></o:p></div>
<u1:p></u1:p>
<br />
<br />
<br />
<div align="center" style="text-align: center;">
<u1:p><span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif";"></span></u1:p>Recently
I got a call from my Italian Parents stating they wanted me to go clean out my
own room (This means going through my old toy box and hiding my wolverine
action figure). They were going to be panting it and fixing it up into a new
room to sleep in. I am hoping that they didn’t turn it into some “Sexual Pit of
Doom” (insert gross Viagra commercial). I got home and started to clean my
dusty old room. I had about 5,000 NBA cards that didn’t have a home. As I was
throwing away worthless aspects to my childhood I found a list I had made
during the summer of 2006. It was my goals prior to starting Maple Woods (or as
the local pot heads and nocturnal dirt people would say Maple Weeds, Even
though I never saw a weed there due to the efforts of the superb grounds crew).
The animalistic image driven 18 year old version of me wrote as follows:<o:p></o:p></div>
<u1:p></u1:p>
<br />
<br />
<br />
<div align="center" style="text-align: center; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif";">1.</span><span style="font-size: 7pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri;"> </span><span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif";">Find a Hot ass Girl.</span><o:p></o:p></div>
<u1:p></u1:p>
<br />
<br />
<br />
<div align="center" style="text-align: center; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif";">2.</span><span style="font-size: 7pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri;"> </span><span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif";">Get rich No matter what.</span><o:p></o:p></div>
<u1:p></u1:p>
<br />
<br />
<br />
<div align="center" style="text-align: center; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif";">3.</span><span style="font-size: 7pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri;"> </span><span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif";">Get a badass job.</span><o:p></o:p></div>
<u1:p></u1:p>
<br />
<br />
<br />
<div align="center" style="text-align: center; text-indent: -0.25in;">
<span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif";">4.</span><span style="font-size: 7pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri;"> </span><span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif";">Get your abs back in.</span><o:p></o:p></div>
<u1:p></u1:p>
<br />
<br />
<br />
<div align="center" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<br />
<br />
<div align="center" style="text-align: center; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif";">If I could go back in time and
challenge my 18 year old self to a fight in the octagon I would. I would kick
myself right in the sack. What a worthless list of goals. Let’s break each of
these so called wonderful goals down shall we. Over the next few weeks I will
break down my thinking and make my former self tap out.</span><o:p></o:p></div>
<br />
<div align="center" style="text-align: center; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif";">"In this corner we have the
5,10 140 lbs Douche with a low resting heart rate"</span><o:p></o:p></div>
<br />
<div align="center" style="text-align: center; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif";">"In this corner we have the
5'10 181 lbs Douche who can't side step and will attack in straight planes
only"</span><o:p></o:p></div>
<br />
<br />
<br />
<div align="center" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif";">Find a Hot ass Girl.</span><o:p></o:p><br />
<u1:p></u1:p>
<br />
<br />
<br />
<div align="center" style="text-align: center; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif";">This was a time in my life where I thought
biceps were all you needed to talk to a woman. Clearly this concept didn’t work
for me or the rest of all the gym rats out there. One time a girl texted me
“Hey” and I had no idea what to do. I had to consult an entire grouping of
adolescent males with Biceps. They say 12 biceps can match the power of the
Human Brain (no one says that, this shows how dumb I really was). The common
result of our theorizing was she wanted to have sex with me. That must have
been IT. I hated my after school gym brigade. Biggest cluster of idiots you
could ever meet. I like how this goal was made right before I went to Maple
Woods. Maple Woods is a great intuition of learning, but as far as dating goals
it’s no Boo Factory (I once had class with 4 Wal-Mart night employees).</span><o:p></o:p></div>
<u1:p></u1:p>
<br />
<br />
<br />
<div align="center" style="text-align: center; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif";">(18 year old me talking to a local
sandwich merchant)</span><o:p></o:p></div>
<u1:p></u1:p>
<br />
<br />
<br />
<div align="center" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif";">“So
you work at Subway”?</span><o:p></o:p></div>
<u1:p></u1:p>
<br />
<br />
<br />
<div align="center" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif";">“Yeah
it’s like amazing”.</span><o:p></o:p></div>
<u1:p></u1:p>
<br />
<br />
<br />
<div align="center" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif";">“Yeah
they got protein and shit there”(Really you’re going to woo her with amino
acids references and fecal talk. Bravo you pale 140 lbs male who could name all
150 original Pokémon in an instantaneous yelp, but couldn’t get her number that
day attempting to reference your loyalties to Italian Herbs and Cheese)</span><o:p></o:p></div>
<u1:p></u1:p>
<br />
<br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif";">This was one of the many
terrible instances where biceps did not get the girl. It takes verbal
communication skills, confidence, and to not reference amino acids or your
bowel movements in ANY WAY. “HAVE YOU EVER SEEN A HORSE TAKE A SHIT? YEAH MINES
LIKE THAT BECAUSE IM TAKING THIS PROTEIN THAT MAKES ME SHIT LIKE A HORSE”(as
you read this line at 50 gyms in the United States a male just stated this line
attempting to get a girls number) As I learned from Doctor Robert Williams and
many other people who influenced me I was doing everything wrong at age 18.
Five years later things have gotten better. Reflecting is the best methodology
of learning from your past mistakes. If your blind and feel your always right,
attempt to wake up or make the person to the left of you slap you as hard as
they can. I’ve made great mistakes in youthful dating, but will never make them
again(Just because I like Bruce Springsteen Doesn’t mean a 17 year old girl
from Liberty Missouri wants it for her birthday). I never had really any role
models growing up, and my siblings and I were never close enough to learn from
each other. My father taught me a great deal of useful life skill sets, but
never how to speak to a lady or treat a woman the way they should be treated. I
learned from shows like Boy Meets World and the Wonder Years (awful ways to
learn about texting.) Males in this country need more role models and trainings
to assist them through this difficult part of the lifespan. These next
generations may feel like “There Sexy and they know it” and clearly they work
out, but they will become lost without mentors or father figures. LeBron’s
Dunks will teach you nothing world!!!!</span><o:p></o:p><br />
<u1:p></u1:p>
<br />
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<br /></div>defoco2000http://www.blogger.com/profile/04946994945024136198noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2791670136272151774.post-58282355054087223382012-02-13T18:47:00.000-08:002012-02-13T18:47:44.529-08:00"We feel in love in a bathroom line"<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">“A stallion must be broken before it reaches its highest
potential”-Doctor Spock <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Tomorrow is Valentine’s Day.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Im happy I didn’t go out and try to get a
date like I did last year. I was stood up last Valentine’s Day two days after
tearing my A.C.L. It was an interesting feeling because I had never been stood
up before in my life. I sat alone watching the N.B.A. in an ironed gap shirt icing
my knee. It was a pathetic sight.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It
turns out the girl I was supposed to go out with decided she would rather go
out with this guy who dropped out of High school. He got a job at a local Taco
Bell to save up for a car. He didn’t have a license, so she had to go pick him
up at taco bell. After I received this explanation in a two page text 2 hours
after the time this girl was supposed to pick me up I began to laugh.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She was going to pick me up cause I was
walking like a thirty pound dumbbell had fallen out of my ass, but she went to
pick him up instead .Apparently my crutches and ace bandage couldn’t match his
natural Sour cream smell. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I thought to
myself this isn’t so bad being stood up. When I actually find the girl of my
dreams everyday will be like Valentine’s Day with her. I think Valentine ’s Day
is a desperate attempt for people to keep their relationship together in this country.
If we don’t act like an Ass for three hours maybe well have a happier marriage.
I don’t need to attempt to be a good man by buying chocolates and a ticket to
a<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Channing Tatum movie for some kind of
weird sexual favor in return like 65% of men will attempt to do tomorrow.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I would rather not take out a girl who I met
in a P.N.L. bathroom line right before I broke the seal.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Ill celebrate Valentine’s Day with friends
until it’s time for a Boo. Plus I can’t have kids yet anyway, because I need to
wait until Ellen Jacobson and Erica Deeney get teaching jobs so I know where to
enroll my off spring. I want to have many kids in NBA apparel and Utah raptor
hats getting 18%s in math to drive those women crazy!!!!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I don’t want to seriously date
until I get my Bachelor’s degree and a solidified job. I see hundreds of my friends
getting married. I would hate to be married at this age. (Pseudo Women “Hey
dear turn off that damn Full house and get to Bed, David Coulier sucks. Come
watch Roseanne” Me “Loud crying noises”). If a women tried to tell me I can’t
eat fruit pie or go to quarter Sundays at the thrift store I would be
increasing the divorce rate in this country ever so slightly.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Having a job or somewhat or a career started I
feel is very necessary before one gets Booed up for life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Hey girl, my 98 dollar Hy-vee check came in.
Let’s go way out and wild at the dollar tree tonight. Well get that grape jelly
that turned your Uncle Dan Blind”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m
just saying people take your time out there. Develop yourselves a little bit so
you don’t have to shop at dollar tree. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Final Thought<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>All you young hipster
couples out there about to be wed CUT OFF THEM SKINNY JEANS ATLEAST SIX MONTHS
BEFORE YOUR WEDDING NIGHT!!!!!!!You don’t want to have six seamen left because
your external boys haven’t gotten a hit of oxygen since the 9<sup><span style="font-size: x-small;">th</span></sup>
grade. <o:p></o:p></span></div>defoco2000http://www.blogger.com/profile/04946994945024136198noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2791670136272151774.post-39401275827884293872012-02-02T16:02:00.000-08:002012-02-02T16:02:26.085-08:00When I Grow up I want to be a..... "Gotta find me a future move out of my way"-Queen <br />
<br />
As I type this a heavily annoying women has made three phone calls and clearly isn't working on anything important. Up until the age of 19 I wanted to be a zoologist. As I went to community college and discovered how much I really hated animals, the dream began to taper off. The older I got the more I discovered I didn't want to clean up elephant shit with a jumbo toilet brush from Sam's Club. I then decided on business just cause the idea of money seemed good. Little did I know every d-bag goes into business, so I had no idea what would come next. At the age of 20 I decided to figure out who I was. I didn't start wearing ass less chaps and go lay in a tanning bed or anything, but I discovered I really liked Psychology. I declared this as my major after some awesome community college professors got me involved with human development. After my final semester at Maple Woods Community College I decided I wanted to one day teach Human Development. That final semester I learned alot of gross things about women and why I did the things I did at the time. My identity started to take shape. I wasn't ashamed of who I was and as my confidence grew so did my social yelps(A loud noise made by Italian men with small ears). I love my new developed loud self who only feared large groups of fat women and used adult diapers(I have a terrible irrational fear that one day I will stumble upon where they place all the depends of the elderly and kids will be playing in it and I will freak out. I will yell get out of there but they will not listen).Anyway I found what I wanted to do and that's shape the minds of 18 years old and old people who have no idea what they want to do(they will probably just save there depends and throw them on my car after my first lecture).Teaching Human development means getting a MASTERS DEGREE! So now the search for the right school begins. When I grow up I want to be Myself. I want my natural creativity and poise and good posture to inspire young minds everywhere to seek a career that pleases them. People put to much placement on labels in our society. I want to be a DOCTOR, LAWYER,CLEAN ELEPHANT BUTT CRACKS,I WANT TO BE THE GUY WHO HIDES DEPENDS DIAPERS ALL OVER TOWN. Whatever you do with your life, don't change who you are.defoco2000http://www.blogger.com/profile/04946994945024136198noreply@blogger.com2