I feel Lance Armstrong is done with all his spandex short.
The shorts were donated to a skanky dress foundation through the lands. I
recently acquired my gorgeous classy
tall girlfriend through a sociological draft, and she asked me to accompany her
to the dance where women decided to leave their underwear home for the night’s
festivities. . There was actually a sign that said Y.O.L.O. LEAVE YOUR
UNDERWEAR AT THE DOOR. At the social venue I was at the majority of the dresses
I saw were made of old Lance Armstrong shorts held up by old live strong bracelets.(Not
really but the nips and crotch regions were probably the only things really
covered up) The small surfaced area dresses cover up enough skin to distinguish
the women from prostitutes, but still a lot of flesh was showing. Flesh isn’t bad
if you’re at P.B.R. and not wanting to go home that night with the mechanical
Bull, but this was an attempt at a college formal. If you’re going to grind
your drunken frat boy’s boner on a dance floor you could at least be classy
about it.(There is no non skanky way to be classy about grinding) Grinding could be a good form of dancing when you’re
fifteen and get an erection every 12 minutes.
If you’re an adult act like an adult, and not like you lost your
virginity in the Toys R US parking lot listening to Never Say Never!!!!!! That
Giraffe is just such a temptress. One of these days Victoria will not have a
secret because there won’t be underwear to sell. Even manikins will be out of
work because they will just be naked all the time. I could see news feed on
C.N.N. ROMNEY GETS MANIKIN VOTE PROMOSISES MORE JOBS.150 Manikin’s died last year because they burned
alive working in the firework business. DAMN YOU SKANKS WHO VOTED FOR OBAMA.
Wheelie Backpacks are not necessary. In the very computer
lab where I am typing this blog post a women just ran into my chair with a
wheelie backpack and had the expression on her face like I wasn’t sitting in
far enough. I’m sorry I just had three chili
dogs for lunch and I don’t want to sit like I am getting a personal hemlock maneuver.
Maybe I want to Facebook chat and not shit my pants lady…. I’m sorry I can do
squats again and my ass is growing. The lady doesn’t need a Wheelie
Backpack. I forgot Park University has
an Airport and 79 passengers are waiting on her to fly them out of here. It’s a
five minute walk across campus lady. I know
you had to park at the second terminal today and walk it in but my gosh you
still have time to stop by Starbucks. Oh
wait its called Pirate Grounds. I’ve never had a wheelie backpack and never
will. I have luggage that’s on wheels but its Luggage. I saw Quasimodo walking to class today. He didn’t
even have a wheelie Backpack. I want to personally go around and steal the left
tire or flatten every small tire on every wheelie backpack in the city. The
small wheel business can personally bring us out of a recession if I blow up
30,000 mini tires. MANIKINS BACK TO WORK MAKING TIRES!!! I want to be the first man with recycled tires
on my mini wheelie backpack. Are those wheels?? No there week old bagel bites. Basically the entire premise of this week’s
message is don’t be a skank and get a real fucking backpack for once J
