Monday, August 20, 2012
"Well, I shoveled shit in Louisiana."George Patton
Geese are the neck hair of the animal Kingdom!!! No one wants them around. Today Me, a floppy hat,the music of Colbie Colliet , and a flat shovel had to embark upon the most grotesque 2 hours of my young adult life. An entire gaggle, flock,V, whatever you want to call it flew into a parking lot at the school I work at and shat everywhere. It smelled worse than a hipster after a day of Frisbee in direct sunlight. Children and several teachers saw me grunting at this tragedy. Perhaps all these Geese had eaten Taco Bell the Night before? I can understand Nickelback is from Canada. I would have left too.Either way these vermin need to find a new home. Emilio Estavez never stared in a movie about mighty Geese...I know he hasnt worked in awhile so maybe he can make a movie about getting ride of Geese. All the child actors of the Mighty Ducks could probably come help me get ride of these vagabonds. I have always been a Duck man. Now more so than ever. The only famous Geese in history are the Geese from that God Awful Movie " Fly Away Home".Luckily all those Geese from that Movie are now dead and no one has referenced that movie since this Blog post. Ive have never FELT LOWER THAN CLEANING UP THE EXCREMENT OF FUTURE PILLOWS IN THE EYES OF CHILDREN. "Mommy whats that scummy man doing?" "Oh he went to Park University don't worry about him. No but for real such an experience would make a man get a Masters degree faster than you could say Justin Beiber.My plan now is to get in contact with the Aflac Duck and raise a standing army of Ducks and former child stars to take down the Geese.
Sunday, August 5, 2012
I would like to clarify this post has nothing to do with that movie where that kid tries to get his parents back together by playing the violin(May not be the same movie don't quote me on that. Maybe even the parent trap). This was the quickest Summer on record for me in Missouri.Alot of Winsteads and Two K 12 was played. It was also the hottest. It always looked like I just ate Tasty Thai when people saw me, but I was actually just walking to check the mail. It was a very sweaty time for everyone. My pool was closed at three random times. People need to stop giving Birth in public pools. Switch back to hay, it worked in the 1890s!!Common society some of us just want to drink Mondos and talk about N.B.A. I am happy a vast majority of my friends will return to the dorms soon. Volleyball will be super fun when English landing gets their courts open. Even though I have the A.C.L. of a dead hobo it is still fun. I play like I'm 47.Last summer was bad when my A.C.L. was torn. I walked liked I had to go work in a bell tower and it seems even the worst of the worst had something to say about my Quasi Moto movements.Some people had the hand eye coordination of a mole ,yet I was stationary and inferior.Just to be able to play I had to wrap my knee in several Dollar General ace bandages. For the first summer in my life I didn't buy new shorts on tax free weekend. Every summer my butt grows and I cant wear normal people pants.It is like those things you buy that grow 600% in warm water. I have the butt of a 227 lbs man and it gets worse as time goes on. Luckily Ive lost 16 pounds this year since surgery. Last year it seemed like every retail store I went in I heard the song "Edge of Glory". I hate short shopping. Being a flexed man trying to buy clothes amongst middle schoolers was awful. I essential boxed out youth to get to the trying room. Kids would tweet "OMG!!! This big butted Man totally just cut us in line"Hash Tag Big Butted man sits on horse and kills it at little girls birthday party. Such an event has yet to happen in my life, but it could soon. This summer I have awakened spiritually. Ive read several books and I really want to grow. I don't want my Butt to grow anymore, but my faith and kindness.Looking into a Mission trip for the first time. Ive done some local ones before, but cutting a bagel for an old person only has so much complexity to it. "Mam would you like cream cheese?" "Are you Tom Cruise??Hope everyone has safe travel upon the way to school.