I am truly convinced the Lord doesn’t
want me to EVER Dance to the song Dancing
in the Dark by Bruce Springsteen. It
was my favorite song as a kid, and still to this day. If you see me driving to
this song, most would assume I was having a seizure. I was in Nick Backs wedding at a very early
age. I requested the song and the D.J. looked at me like I was a lost geriatric.
Yes this song was popular before I was even a sperm, but just play it!!! The
D.J. took my tip and never played the song. Not even towards the end of the wedding,
when the inebriated cant stand. The next weeding I requested this song the D.J.
took my money and yet again didn’t play my jam. All I have ever wanted to do is
dance to Dancing in the Dark.
Later that year I had gotten word that Park
University was having a singing contest called park idol. Surely, they would
have this famous 1980s song, and I would be able to perform it in front of all
my friends. So I found the tightest pair
of jeans I could find at a thrift store. A hipster probably died in some drug induced
death, to the vary pants I was wearing. Those
pants were so tight. I probably lost about 100 million seamen that night just to
play the role. It was all for the boss. I then found a white collared shirt and
cut the sleeves off. For about four
dollars and about 50,000 dollars lost I could have sold to a sperm bank, I
indeed looked like Bruce Springsteen. As I got to park idol I found the people
who were signing up the songs. As I realized I probably couldn't sit down in
these jeans I wanted to sing Dancing in
the dark early because I had to brutally sing some Beach Boys shortly
after. It turns out they didn't have DANCING
IN THE DARK!!!!!! They only had BORN IN THE U.S.A. I was doomed because
I didn't know that song what so ever. I figured dressed as Bruce Springsteen, I
had to do it. I got up there and sang a
song about being born in a country to an audience that was not. I would say 75% of the audience was
from the Pacific Rim and I looked like an idiot. I would have been the hero if
they would have my jam. The matriarchal trio of judges didn't hide their body
language of disgust. I’m assuming they weren't Springsteen fans and probably didn't
care for anything involving New Jersey. They looked at me like they were conceived
to a Springsteen song and projected their hatred of anything related to dudes, upon
my dead hipster jeans. So needless to
say I didn't win Park Idol because those judges that day were not proud of
their country origin. It seems they hated their fathers or something. They were completely stoic when I walked off stage.
Not a smirk, a chuckle nothing. Do me the honor and hit me with glass bottle
ladies PLEASE!!.
The next attempt in my life, where I knew the opportunity of
dancing to Springsteen, without lowering my sperm count would be at Bret Mchpeeter’s
wedding. He liked classic rock music and I knew they would play it there. I
went early to the d.j. and gave him a five dollar bill this time. I knew he
would play that song for me. The night totally came to an end and my arc nemesis
Trevor and his goons started picking up all the tables. The wedding was over
and that stupid d.j. pocketed my five bucks. Probably to take to a strip club
or something to get his jiblets off. He
probably went on a received a lap dance to Springsteen just out of spite. The
next two weddings I had, the same situation occur. D.J’s pocketed my hard
earned money to go through the dollar menu while I didn't get to dance. I had
to watch country bumpkins line dance to some Randy Travis inbreeding bull
shit!! I want to know what issues these d.j. companies have against me and the
boss. It is because I don’t like to Nelly and the St Louis Cardinals?I have heard
COUNTRY GRAMMAR at way to many
weddings. YOU CANT START A FIRE WITHOUT A SPARK DAMMIT!!
Springsteen said it best.
Finally the
lord presented me with a girl that liked me more then two weeks and we were
planning a wedding. I was having a friend d.j. the wedding and it was the tenth
song that was going to play. I knew that I was going to finally get to dance to
Springsteen at my own wedding. Nothing
was going to stop me now except maybe being struck by lightning!!! Potentially
the chance Amanda not showing up at the altar, but I was going to get my
Springsteen on in front of all my friends and family. The sun had made for a wonderful sunset on
the night of my wedding. The photographers asked us to come outside so that we
can get some sunset photos. It looked gorgeous outside and it made for some
fine photos. Next Amanda's old boss was
leaving the wedding and he had a Michael Jordan story. I've learned in my life
to drop everything if someone has a Jordan story. If he would have said I got a
LeBron story, I would have walked inside. No one likes a LeBron story. He
grabbed the duchess!!! Anyway this guy got to watch Jordan play a pick-up game.
It was one of the greatest NBA stories I have ever heard. At that same moment I
heard Springsteen playing in the background. Michael Jordan just nut tapped the
Boss. I missed dancing to that song at my own wedding. I have established that I will never dance to
BRUCE SPRINGSTEENS DANCING IN THE DARK. I’m sure like sixty years from now
someone will read this blog post and play that song at my funeral. He can’t
dance now because he is dead. I will just drive to it on 169 south and let the
people think I have rabies, when I dance in that car. I can see a mother saying
to their son as they pass me on the highway, “ LOOK AWAY, THAT MUST BE ONE OF
THEM QUANTILES STUDIES GONE WRONG” My trigger song could be DANCING IN THE DARK
BY THE BOSS!!!
