Thursday, October 25, 2012

Skanks love wheelie backpacks don't they Lance??

I feel Lance Armstrong is done with all his spandex short. The shorts were donated to a skanky dress foundation through the lands. I recently acquired  my gorgeous classy tall girlfriend through a sociological draft, and she asked me to accompany her to the dance where women decided to leave their underwear home for the night’s festivities. . There was actually a sign that said Y.O.L.O. LEAVE YOUR UNDERWEAR AT THE DOOR. At the social venue I was at the majority of the dresses I saw were made of old Lance Armstrong shorts held up by old live strong bracelets.(Not really but the nips and crotch regions were probably the only things really covered up) The small surfaced area dresses cover up enough skin to distinguish the women from prostitutes, but still a lot of flesh was showing. Flesh isn’t bad if you’re at P.B.R. and not wanting to go home that night with the mechanical Bull, but this was an attempt at a college formal. If you’re going to grind your drunken frat boy’s boner on a dance floor you could at least be classy about it.(There is no non skanky way to be classy about grinding)  Grinding could be a good form of dancing when you’re fifteen and get an erection every 12 minutes.  If you’re an adult act like an adult, and not like you lost your virginity in the Toys R US parking lot listening to Never Say Never!!!!!! That Giraffe is just such a temptress. One of these days Victoria will not have a secret because there won’t be underwear to sell. Even manikins will be out of work because they will just be naked all the time. I could see news feed on C.N.N. ROMNEY GETS MANIKIN VOTE PROMOSISES MORE JOBS.150  Manikin’s died last year because they burned alive working in the firework business. DAMN YOU SKANKS WHO VOTED FOR OBAMA.


Wheelie Backpacks are not necessary. In the very computer lab where I am typing this blog post a women just ran into my chair with a wheelie backpack and had the expression on her face like I wasn’t sitting in far enough.  I’m sorry I just had three chili dogs for lunch and I don’t want to sit like I am getting a personal hemlock maneuver. Maybe I want to Facebook chat and not shit my pants lady…. I’m sorry I can do squats again and my ass is growing. The lady doesn’t need a Wheelie Backpack.  I forgot Park University has an Airport and 79 passengers are waiting on her to fly them out of here. It’s a five minute walk across campus lady.  I know you had to park at the second terminal today and walk it in but my gosh you still have time to stop by Starbucks.  Oh wait its called Pirate Grounds. I’ve never had a wheelie backpack and never will. I have luggage that’s on wheels but its Luggage.  I saw Quasimodo walking to class today. He didn’t even have a wheelie Backpack. I want to personally go around and steal the left tire or flatten every small tire on every wheelie backpack in the city. The small wheel business can personally bring us out of a recession if I blow up 30,000 mini tires. MANIKINS BACK TO WORK MAKING TIRES!!!  I want to be the first man with recycled tires on my mini wheelie backpack. Are those wheels?? No there week old bagel bites.  Basically the entire premise of this week’s message is don’t be a skank and get a real fucking backpack for once J

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