Sunday, May 26, 2013

A look Back to the ACL!

ACL U....

On February 12 ,2011 I tore my Anterior Cruciate Ligament (Usage). This injury came after I made a really good pass to Derrick Forbis as I went to sidestep and celebrate such a pass I heard a pop in my knee. No orville redenbacher machines were present at this site of this pop so I knew it was my knee. I began to walk like a deer had been clipped by a Subaru Forrestar on 72ND in GLADS...TONE(That's right I'm using a side story of me killing a mammal for vivid imagery to display how strange I was walking). It felt really painful. I tried to do the manly thing in front of the cute front desk girls by trying to walk it off. There was no sawg in that walk that day. I was walking like one of those kids at the Chuckie Cheese who shit his pants in the ball pit and is attempting to find his parents who are drinking in the animatronic mouse portion of the restaurant. I had to flee the scene. Sorry Vivion Road drivers about my driving that day. It was worse than ever. I scheduled a Doctor appointment immediately. His feathered hair and sweater vest told me everything I needed to know that day. The conversation was lacking. This man let me know he made 150,000 a year and I worked in a freezer at HY-Vee.He said many acronyms that most stupid people would never know about,but watching Michael Jordan and the Nba since the womb I knew what A.C.L.s were. Apparently I tore my meniscus as well. I knew what these were, but if I had to spell them in a spelling bee I would not even be accepted on stage. As I would try to walk on stage the judges would be like nice try buddy and throw me off stage. I had to have surgery. So I notified my current collegiate cheer squad my six game stint with them was now over. No more maroon stretchy pants for me or yelping at people with my small Italian thumbs.Glad I was apart of Park Cheer. I loved my time with those hot chicks and the current Prince of Angola. I never got my Auto Tune mega pone but one can still dream! For the next week I had to walk like I had to much to eat at the Home Town Buffet and my stomach had committed suicide, The people let me know what they thought of my ability to walk. Chris Evans had the best line "You walk like you have a Dick in your ass"!That was good to hear as a came up Copley Hill. Abby and many others had great empirical interpretations of my walk as well. I had surgery a week later at Liberty Hospital over spring break.Most people go to the beach for their Spring Breaks and I decided to go to my parent's basement without the ability to walk. Good thinking Matt. TBS comedies and Italian parents watching Jon Wayne movies to three AM is a suitable sight for recovery
NOT AT ALL). The surgery went well. I decided to delay the A.C.L. surgery through summer so I could work. So my meniscus was recovered before A.C.L. For 7 months the Meniscus was probably giggling and heckling the A.C.L. saying things like hahaha I can go in straight planes again and you cant side step Bitch. Summer was int resting.I couldn't play sports. Many inferior athletes were defeating me at sports upon my own lands because my abilities were only stationary. The inability to side step can enable you s much. I had to think about every action before I did anything. Not having the ability to side step ruined EBDS only concert because I couldn't woe the crowd with my usual aerial antics. People always wanted to play capture the flag this summer. I was the worst person out there. I took on the archetype of that kid who got picked for sports in middle school. It was down to me,the kid with no thumbs, and the kid who had been smoking since the second trimester of birth. Those kids got picked before me for anything it seemed like all summer. Even though Summer sucked athletically, I still had a fun time socially. I went to Brass Rail alot and I got to go to Vegas. Damn you Cinnabun!!!! I gained seven pounds in Vegas cause the Cinnabun was next to my hotel. Brock's Wedding was amazing! Congrats to my Boss and his Booness for Life. Nikki Ms next single will be"Can I Have this BOONess for life. I want to thank my Doctor for him fixing my knee because it allowed me to dance with Mel Burns so thank you Doctor! The semester went well. I finally passed Stats a class based on how a bunch of men saw a triangle during an Orgy but whatever. Made alot of new friends and with Alex Hall and Paul finding Boos from Maryville(the worlds worst city) I know longer hate the Bearcat. If I do ever encounter one though I will kick its ass without a doubt. Even though Breena Lawson cut off the metaphoric wings of the pegasus they will grow back. Im excited to have a new A.C.L and be able to side step this summer. Im excited about my new job and things to come. Thanks for the help during this attempted side step in my life!!! I got some good Friends. P.S. mary you better hang my Shaq poster up or a metaphoric Pegasus will place his droppings on your all white CAR HAHA.

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