Tuesday, May 21, 2013

Grad School

Recently I have been accepted to a graduate program. Im very excited about this opportunity. I had a graduate interview at another local institution. It was not expecting it to go so bad. I have had 23 interviews in my life for various activities and jobs. My worst interview I ever had was for Park University’s spirit squad. I essentially free styled for some blonde women and did a ninja roll on a hard wood floor. Such mumbo jumbo worked because I got a scholarship for it (unfortunately that Ninja roll didn't lead too much because I tore my A.C.L. 5 weeks later and never cheered again. Those 4 games were probably the worst in History). Another really bad interview I had was to be a birthday party coordinator at a gymnastic school. For some reason they hired me on as a coach. I had no experience in being flexible, or even falling gracefully. I was fired immediately after my first coaching shift because I had the kids on the trampoline doing front and back ninja rolls. I than received a check for 16$ in the mail 3 weeks later. I could have told the lady I had no experience in the realm of gymnastics, but such a question was never asked in the interview. To this day I’m still baffled by this interview.
This gentleman who interviewed me didn't even talk really about my Psychology background. He didn't even ask questions about my experiences in a self-contained classroom or about career aspirations. The first question he asked me was “ SO I SEE YOU DIDN’T DO SO WELL IN COLLEGE ALLGEBRA HOW COME? My response was than Yeah I missed about a third of the class because I couldn't drive to class due to having knee surgery. Than I explained how I couldn't afford to retake it. I than explained to him I was never good at math. I can’t help it I had an awful teacher in 6th and 7th grade. I had a disgruntled old man who retired the year after are class.. He yelled at us all the time and said we wouldn't ever go to college. I now understand he suffered from erectile dysfunction and had lost a coupon to save 7 cents a pound on oranges in 2001. He will never be on those Viagra boat commercials because he was an asshole .I was busy drawing pictures of Pok√©mon and talking to chicks. They didn't date my fat self-back then, but I sure made them laugh. Most girls back than were a foot taller than me and didn't want to listen to my Bon Jovi Cds on my bus. I remember one time I was sitting in the back of the bus and the batteries on my Cd player fell out. A girl who was sitting across from me took them and put them down her shirt and she insisted on my coming to grab them. Sadly her sex drive was two years ahead of mine. I just told her to keep them. I was more concerned about Goku’s Power levels and eating a corn dog than retrieving my dollar general batteries which only had about 6 minutes left on them anyway. How come he didn't ask about that in the interview? Than another thing he talked about how I probably wouldn't be able to keep my job or my girlfriend. He said she would probably leave cause of all the stress in my life. That’s optimistic isn't it? So after my interview I threw the T-Shirt they gave me out of my window somewhere on 87th and Metcalf. The birds wouldn't even use such a T-Shirt for their nests because it reeked of despair. Thankfully I got into the program that I wanted and the lady who talked to me on the phone didn't tell me I should try harder on Math and tell my girlfriend to leave me.

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