Grad School

Recently I have been accepted to a graduate program. Im very excited about this opportunity. I had a graduate interview at another local institution. It was not expecting it to go so bad. I have had 23 interviews in my life for various activities and jobs. My worst interview I ever had was for Park University’s spirit squad. I essentially free styled for some blonde women and did a ninja roll on a hard wood floor. Such mumbo jumbo worked because I got a scholarship for it (unfortunately that Ninja roll didn't lead too much because I tore my A.C.L. 5 weeks later and never cheered again. Those 4 games were probably the worst in History). Another really bad interview I had was to be a birthday party coordinator at a gymnastic school. For some reason they hired me on as a coach. I had no experience in being flexible, or even falling gracefully. I was fired immediately after my first coaching shift because I had the kids on the trampoline doing front and back ninja rolls. I than received a check for 16$ in the mail 3 weeks later. I could have told the lady I had no experience in the realm of gymnastics, but such a question was never asked in the interview. To this day I’m still baffled by this interview.

This gentleman who interviewed me didn't even talk really about my Psychology background. He didn't even ask questions about my experiences in a self-contained classroom or about career aspirations. The first question he asked me was “ SO I SEE YOU DIDN’T DO SO WELL IN COLLEGE ALLGEBRA HOW COME? My response was than Yeah I missed about a third of the class because I couldn't drive to class due to having knee surgery. Than I explained how I couldn't afford to retake it. I than explained to him I was never good at math. I can’t help it I had an awful teacher in 6^th and 7^th grade. I had a disgruntled old man who retired the year after are class.. He yelled at us all the time and said we wouldn't ever go to college. I now understand he suffered from erectile dysfunction and had lost a coupon to save 7 cents a pound on oranges in 2001. He will never be on those Viagra boat commercials because he was an asshole .I was busy drawing pictures of Pokémon and talking to chicks. They didn't date my fat self-back then, but I sure made them laugh. Most girls back than were a foot taller than me and didn't want to listen to my Bon Jovi Cds on my bus. I remember one time I was sitting in the back of the bus and the batteries on my Cd player fell out. A girl who was sitting across from me took them and put them down her shirt and she insisted on my coming to grab them. Sadly her sex drive was two years ahead of mine. I just told her to keep them. I was more concerned about Goku’s Power levels and eating a corn dog than retrieving my dollar general batteries which only had about 6 minutes left on them anyway. How come he didn't ask about that in the interview? Than another thing he talked about how I probably wouldn't be able to keep my job or my girlfriend. He said she would probably leave cause of all the stress in my life. That’s optimistic isn't it? So after my interview I threw the T-Shirt they gave me out of my window somewhere on 87^th and Metcalf. The birds wouldn't even use such a T-Shirt for their nests because it reeked of despair. Thankfully I got into the program that I wanted and the lady who talked to me on the phone didn't tell me I should try harder on Math and tell my girlfriend to leave me.

There is no such thing as an Italian ring tailed Lemur?

Today I received a text from my girlfriend stating she wanted to tree climb tomorrow!!! The opportunity sounds amazing. I can't wait to prove to the world I can still climb. Years ago before I hit my third puberty, I was a good climber. Than the lord rewarded me with a big butt and hairy thighs . Since I have received an official pair of natural pants I must wear every day of my life, every time I do an athletic move about 17-39 hairs rip out of my body. These numbers have no evidence to support the claim but it hurts every time I move.Since I got really hairy, I don't like to climb as much. Also Since I have been rewarded with a natural pants no one would ever buy, I tore my hamstring,meniscus and A.C.L. I have had to brave the elements since I wanted to cut that leg off. This winter my girlfriend and I went ice skating with many other couples. It was our first large group date and I had never told Amanda I couldn't ice skate. The last three times I had gone to Crown Center previous to this date I would always fall 3-5 times on my first lap and than run to Crown Center in shame. I am still waiting for the Australian Store to get some Hugh Jackman merchandise but its yet to come. I would always go to the toy store by myself and look and the mini animal collection waiting for my friends to text me. Such an escape couldn't happen now that I was on a real date. Upon the first lap Amanda noticed I was like a guy who had eaten to much applesauce the day of.(In elementary school there was a kid I knew who had to much applesauce one day and he crapped his pants. Everyone loves applesauce BUT THERE ARE LIMITS) Before I would fall I would squat real low and I looked like I was regretting eating to much apple sauce. A Beautiful girl had to stand beside a defecating poor balanced hairy Italian man who just wanted to go look at some toys.  Well tomorrow I will not eat apple sauce. I will climb the highest tree at Loose Park for this girl. Giant hips and all I will prove the hipsters and the unemployed drifters of the park I can climb!!!! Geese are my natural enemy. They will know I am vulnerable in climb mode, so if they want to attack me tomorrow bring it on!!I will fling applesauce upon them from the heavens!!!(If you're just reading my blog I don't like geese cause one time I had to shovel geese poop for two hours in front of an entire elementary school and the small royals hat I wore that day couldn't cover my shame. I vow to get back at the geese who lay ed there applesauce down at Southeast elementary).I will climb a tree for my girl. Sliding on frozen water is a different story. I never want to appear like that deer who had been hit by a car but still lives with the herd. That's what I looked like trying to Ice skate at crown center.

Adults must wear hoods??

Healing opportunities can be disguised as people who really piss you off. Pay attention because they could be your greatest teachers-Gabrielle Bernstein

Recently I have been reading a book called MAY CAUSE MIRACLES. It has been an amazing read for me so far and I'm only five days in out of the 40 day guidebook within the book. I recommend this book for anyone in a transition in their life like I am. I recently graduated in May and had no idea what I was going to do with my life. I was shoveling Geese Shit at a local school hoping my Royals hat would cover up my shame, but since I have a pinhead the world saw my anguish. I was going to either join the Air Force or try to move to Colorado with my tall British friend who thinks I can barely read, but I met a girl. I met a girl at my friends coming home party. She was the most attractive girl I ever saw who was interested in talking to a boy with sweat stains under a 4 dollar old navy faded Bulls shirt. I ate about 13-19 chicken nuggets in front of this Vegetarian and had no idea. Besides talking about horny flat billed wearing college athletes from Park University on our first date it has worked out.  She has brought back the passion in my eyes. Its like the song JUKE BOX HERO. I got stars in my eyes again. I recently hit a little snag cause I don't like my current job but its time to take the G.R.E. I was going to try to keep this job while in Grad School but its to stressful. So a job that I enjoy where I don't have to get up at 5:45 in the morning and have the pooping patterns of a 76 year old would be nice for once.What the book may cause miracles has done for me has helped me see Love where I go instead of fear. I don't have fear at my current job, but its not what I want to do with my whole life.  I want to pursue my dreams but gradually and do it properly. I recently lived in a house where I couldn't sleep so I decided to move home for free.The house is an amazing house but its not my house. I want my own house. There were more pubes in the shower than the hours I slept in the house ..Having to play hackey sack with my MALE roommates luffas everyday was not a pleasure of mine since testicle germs on my feet freaked me out. When a combination of old tooth paste and hair mix in a sink and hot soap and water cant stop it you know its not good. I think that a creature formulated in the sink and destroyed downtown Parkville. The only way to stop the sink creature is to obtain the power of the THUNDER SNOW from Kansas City. KIDDING, but its easier to drive 17 extra minutes a day.The sink finally got fixed and helped with the creature. I want to try to have my own house and pube free bathroom by August or live in the City Market area with Jon MOON. Cant wait for summer Love,Volleyball and NBA Finals and Beef Jerky. KEEP YOUR DREAMS ALIVE KANSAS CITY!!! Its time to get things done.

STARTED TO SELL MY TOY COLLECTION. If anyone wants some cool shit for their offspring check EBay or with Alex Hall.

SUBAWHO??

A fine Automobile took its last ride from Shawnee Mission/RoeLand Park area to liberty on December 26. Upon Its journey home it began to overheat and shake coming home during rush hour. The next day it made it to be traded in.. 1,500 is what the old  SPORT UTILITY WAGON got. Take that Jeff Paul. It was still sporty. 142,000 miles the car had went. It had took the lives of many woodland creatures with it through out its Journey, I hit well over 10 raccoons, an entire gaggle of Geese crossing a Major Highway.Two of the four deer who ran out in front of me on the worst date of my life. Thanks alot sweat hands.  I hit a night pigeon or something on Highway B in Kearney in 2006 that saved my virginity from a tall abnormal trophy wench of the North. Her delicate touch fell short to the Soulful night swallow who's intestine bled my windshield up more than that awful wood chipper seen in Fargo. That can kill an erection faster than anything you have ever imagined, Even for a horny 17 year old boy who knows nothing better than Pokeman and Ben Gordons Fg%. Im Sorry Subaru about hitting the four mail boxes, I hit in our time together. Its hard to learn to Park when your Dad's smoking a Cigar and talking about Chicago in the 1980s.  You never held another drink after that Lummox of a Women broke your cup holder in the back. You saved Joel and Adam Roth that day little cup holder, they just never knew it. I'm sorry that fat Indian Boy next store  who ripped your carpet because he drags his horse feet around with him when he walks. Silent on his feet he is not.because hes not even remotly Indian in any form. 142000 miles,36 Women,24 jobs,7 years of stanky ass chain gang members(Dan Read and Tim had awful  pungent youthful scents) Stanky Ass and lack of soap + Axe body spray is much more of a foul sent than the Tigers Den at the Kansas City zoo.An equation no math teacher would like to solve. We salute you old Friend!!!!  Sorry for the Mustard stain. I had weird thumbs and the central nervous system of a lost cold goat because both my parents smoked when I was watching Jurassic Park for 5 years in a basement. Your Replacement is a good man. His name is Jimmy Butler  because hes my new favorite Chciago Bull.  a Chevy Sonic 2012 is the new guard in town. He is a Sonic even though he is the color of Knuckles.. Sorry Sega fans...


Tonight, tonight the strip's just right
I wanna blow 'em off in my first heat
Summer's here and the time is right
For racin' in the street-Bruce Springsteen!!!!!!!!!

Cave Women Vs. Neck Pubes

An irrational fear  of mine is my Italian neck hair. After recently hitting my third puberty my neck hair has been out of control.  I have been dating my awesome girlfriend for 4 months now and previous to us dating I had gotten word that she was going to be coming to my friends birthday party.  As I got word from my T-Mobile text message(Having Tmobile the text may have come from a year ago but my neck has was awful, so I preceded to call my haircut lady Ashley) I couldn't reach her through my 30 dollar cell phone. My next step was carrier pigeon. I have only seen Pigeons in Riverside and there was no way I was about to even get near a creature that resides in Riverside. I would instantaneously catch Lockjaw from the bird and metal would not even be in the transaction. Damn the ecosystems of Riverside. So with an hour until the event I drove to Fantastic Sams.(Nothing was fantastic about the establishment and none of the three workers who were there names were Sam and not even remotely close to such a name.)  The giant women who was going to cut my hair scared the living hell out of me. She was probably a division three athlete who had to leave college early because she broke her coaches dick off in a roid rage. Now she has been given a sharp utensil, a tarp, and a room full of mirrors at here disposal which made my neck pubes quiver like Italian neck hair can only do upon a cold winters night. She asked what I wanted and I preceded to tell her just a hair buzz hoping she wasn't going to cut my throat and harvest my seaman and blood for Winter or something. Anyway the hair was cut by the cave dwelling women and Amanda didn't end up showing to the Birthday party I was going too.  Guys Girls don't mind the neck pubes unless you just give up on hygiene.  Date women who like you for who you are!!!! Its amazing when you do!!! Before I met this girl I thought all women talked about Pintercrest,dick sizes,laundry soap smells and how they want to have sex with Edward the Vampire. Alteast 45% of women talk about those things but there are good women out there.

Skanks love wheelie backpacks don't they Lance??

I feel Lance Armstrong is done with all his spandex short. The shorts were donated to a skanky dress foundation through the lands. I recently acquired  my gorgeous classy tall girlfriend through a sociological draft, and she asked me to accompany her to the dance where women decided to leave their underwear home for the night’s festivities. . There was actually a sign that said Y.O.L.O. LEAVE YOUR UNDERWEAR AT THE DOOR. At the social venue I was at the majority of the dresses I saw were made of old Lance Armstrong shorts held up by old live strong bracelets.(Not really but the nips and crotch regions were probably the only things really covered up) The small surfaced area dresses cover up enough skin to distinguish the women from prostitutes, but still a lot of flesh was showing. Flesh isn’t bad if you’re at P.B.R. and not wanting to go home that night with the mechanical Bull, but this was an attempt at a college formal. If you’re going to grind your drunken frat boy’s boner on a dance floor you could at least be classy about it.(There is no non skanky way to be classy about grinding)  Grinding could be a good form of dancing when you’re fifteen and get an erection every 12 minutes.  If you’re an adult act like an adult, and not like you lost your virginity in the Toys R US parking lot listening to Never Say Never!!!!!! That Giraffe is just such a temptress. One of these days Victoria will not have a secret because there won’t be underwear to sell. Even manikins will be out of work because they will just be naked all the time. I could see news feed on C.N.N. ROMNEY GETS MANIKIN VOTE PROMOSISES MORE JOBS.150  Manikin’s died last year because they burned alive working in the firework business. DAMN YOU SKANKS WHO VOTED FOR OBAMA.

 

Wheelie Backpacks are not necessary. In the very computer lab where I am typing this blog post a women just ran into my chair with a wheelie backpack and had the expression on her face like I wasn’t sitting in far enough.  I’m sorry I just had three chili dogs for lunch and I don’t want to sit like I am getting a personal hemlock maneuver. Maybe I want to Facebook chat and not shit my pants lady…. I’m sorry I can do squats again and my ass is growing. The lady doesn’t need a Wheelie Backpack.  I forgot Park University has an Airport and 79 passengers are waiting on her to fly them out of here. It’s a five minute walk across campus lady.  I know you had to park at the second terminal today and walk it in but my gosh you still have time to stop by Starbucks.  Oh wait its called Pirate Grounds. I’ve never had a wheelie backpack and never will. I have luggage that’s on wheels but its Luggage.  I saw Quasimodo walking to class today. He didn’t even have a wheelie Backpack. I want to personally go around and steal the left tire or flatten every small tire on every wheelie backpack in the city. The small wheel business can personally bring us out of a recession if I blow up 30,000 mini tires. MANIKINS BACK TO WORK MAKING TIRES!!!  I want to be the first man with recycled tires on my mini wheelie backpack. Are those wheels?? No there week old bagel bites.  Basically the entire premise of this week’s message is don’t be a skank and get a real fucking backpack for once J

No Maintenance Men Don't have Leprosy

The other day I was walking to get a drink in one of the elementary schools I work at, and a little boy asked me "Hey who are you?" I wanted to respond I am a loud fool, who is poor at math, who can't drive at Night nor swim in the deep end.  I simple responded I work outside. Little did that child know that the ones who read him Cat In The Hat also portray me as a Leper. Yeah the Bicycle Apartments are a Leper colony and I am in charge of the mutant Olympics. Me and my team of Hunchbacks are looking really good at Volleyball this year. I wanted to respond I keep geese from fornicating, and clean up the rubbish of the local section 8 indigenous tribes of Riverside. Shot Gun Shells are Burger King ketchup have never stopped me before.It was interesting when this boy questioned my identity. I know my strengths very clearly ,but have yet to utilize them. I have obtained my 30,000 piece of paper from Park University that states I can read and know how to apply honey mustard to various dead animals, but why haven't I found a career job? My indolent ways and calling people DINKUS have made me loose my social Perspective. I still want to be a Clinical Psychologist. I don't want to shovel Geese poop in 50 cent Royals floppy hats the rest of my life. This fall is my time to shine. I have been slown down by an A.C.L. tear and getting a  D- in a stats class because I was to drunk in Vegas to do my homework!!! I didn't know Baileys was so good. Alcoholic coffee?? You mean I keep getting drunk and staying up? My mind must have had Tmobile that night because there were a alot of dropped calls. My bladder was probably calling at 2 am. WHAT ARE YOU DOING UP THERE?I am going for my Masters.  When teachers look at me and Go green eggs and ham? I will simple say I don't give a Damn!!I can read cat in the Hat too and I am planning on teaching classes on Alexander the Great, and how to develop the strengths of your personality. I don't want kids walking in my classes wearing tap out shirts questioning why there isn't a cat in my hat. I HAVE A PINHEAD!!! If there is some form a dwarf cat I am not yet aware of no cat is fitting in my hat.